i think im becoming depressed again

it's a condition that you can't talk about because you can't even think properly. it's just a enormous angriness, frustation and sadness because you can't find out what happened in some split secound in which ou became two hundred years older. even feeling that much, my feelings just sounds useless and stupid. i've always felt alone my whole life, for as long as i can remember. i don't know if i like it or i'm just used to it, but i do know this: being lonely does things to you, and feeling shit and bitter an angry all the time just eats away at you. i'm everything i don't want to be and that makes me despair and leaves me with no hope of ever liking myself once.