Life Update 0

Well, right now, I took a small study break. I got caught up with school last week, and even this week. There are a lot of requirements to comply, and topics to study. Knowing that we will spend every Saturdays taking up review exams for BLEPT (Board Licensure Examinations for Professional Teachers), and spending some of my time in volunteering for the Night School Program. I'm a very busy person now. I don't really like getting myself involved with these things but I signed myself for this just to have an excuse for not going outside my room. I know, I know. I'm such a bad daughter but just being around my mom is exhausting and draining. I hope you won't judge me for this. I'm trying my best haha.

Hmmm... The only thing that's keeping me sane is watching anime, movies, funny videos, and listening to music. I also tried learning Nihongo because why not?? Maybe I will jump to learning another language again if I get bored with Nihongo lol. 

Last night, I had this very bad dream. I dreamt that Georgia betrayed me. Like, they held my hand to help me climb the stairs and when I got up, they pushed me, causing me to almost fall to the ground. I got so angry at them and I don't know what happened next but Georgia morphed into another girl. I know the girl in real life but I forgot which girl. I forgot her face!! The next thing I know is that everyone was angry at me. They were defending the girl which Georgia morphed into, instead of defending me, the victim. I got so angry and sad and I saw myself facing the mirror while cutting my hair. Like, it was badly cut but I was trying to make it perfect.

Next scenario was Mel and I playing ball in the streets. I got confused why Mel was there. I mean, I don't really trust her that's why I kept my interactions with her limited when we were still in senior high school, but I do respect her and I like how she views life. It's just that I don't like getting myself involved with people who gossip for fun. I'm done with that phase.

Well, while I was playing ball with her, a jeepney going to Pagatpat suddenly came and I hurriedly went to it to go home. When I was already in Silver Creek, I remembered that I haven't said my good byes to her that's why I decided to message her. The scene shifted into something different. I found myself in a single bathroom stall and I think I was hiding from someone. I was holding my phone, trying to reactivate my Facebook account just to send my good byes to Mel. I was being observant with my surroundings, I guess I was hiding from people who hated me (relating to the first part of the dream). 

I got up, still having the migraine from yesterday. I opened my social media accounts to check for school updates, until I viewed the ig story from one of the people that I followed. He posted a pic of his friends and how thankful he was with his friends of eight years. I felt sadness when I saw that. I realized how alone I am and how I'm missing out with the fun of being young. I do have "friends" but I just can't connect with them on a deeper level, I don't know why. Am I just unlucky of not being able to find friends? Or am I just a bad person that's why I can't connect to anyone? I had some friends before who I truly cared about but things have changed and maybe the friendship was never genuine. We outgrew each other, I guess. Maybe God was just preparing me for my future for when I live alone. Yep, I do see myself living alone in the future.

How do you end a blog entry?