"i cant bring myself to say that i dont love you"

The wind picked up as he ran out of his house in only his pajamas he was cold but that was not something he cared about right now, he cared more for the boy who was running in front of him, he took a deep breath then shouted "I want to be there for you but you just kept pushing me away" he stops to stand there and clenches his fists as he watches Artem run away exhaustion already clear on his features  "Please Artem!" he asked as he starts running again, tears falling down his face "Don't do this to yourself" he says as he chokes back a sob furiously wiping away any tears that fall from his face

"Artem!" he screams as he sees the other stop, he falls to the ground exhaustion seeping into his bones, pushing away how vulnerable he feels, he lets the tears fall as he tries and fails to wipe them away, he wants to stand up continue running after him but he can barely stand up his knees giving out to exhaustion he sobs on the ground he clutches his shirt as he loses the ability to breathe

"Eli" he hears the other close to him, he pushes Artem away and falls on the ground in front of him but he can't stop himself from crying to even look

"I'm sorry," Artem says followed by arms wrapping around his shoulders and pulling him closer, he continues to sob as warmth surrounds him he starts hitting Artem's chest "You stupid, asshole," he says in between sobs  "I'm sorry" he hears him say again, he holds Artem shirt as he feel him shaking slightly, and he hears him cry so he pulls him closer, both of them crying on god knows where but they're there together

"Eli" he hears Artem say, he still can't stop his tears from falling but with a shaky hand he wipes away the other tears he holds his face with his other hand, he holds him as close as he can letting Artem hide his face in his shoulder, he says nothing as he clutches his shirt tighter, he hears nothing from the other only choked sobs and he holds Artem's right hand and squeeze it gently making the other look at him

"stop saying sorry," he says to Artem as he starts sobbing again letting the other hold him close for comfort, he wants to say so many things but all of them end up stuck in his throat as he hears another choked sob from Artem

"I'm here" he ends up saying receiving a small nod from the other and they just sit no more words said, letting each other be the source of warmth neither of them had, he feels the other fall asleep in his hold and he cries silently as he shakily combs through Artem's hair holding back any noise that he could make he lets his eyes trace Artem's face imprinting on his mind how he looked