happy anniversary

a cold winter night the twins lay in their joint room, even after their separation they remained together, at samuels request. 

 "julian?" the boy spoke softly, glancing over at his sister across the room. she didnt look at him, was it fear? was it anger? it didnt matter. his calls for her were met with silence.

"julian.. do you think we'll always be together?" he asked, rather than being met with silence, he was met with the noise of a blade sharpening she was always on task, always preparing for a fight, even now in the darkest hours of the world she was ready to protect. 

 she paused for a moment, "dont ask such trivial questions like that. you know father doesnt enjoy them." she spoke softly before returning to her silence and filling the room with a noise samuel should be accustomed to. he was not. 

 he laid in his bed, gazing at the ceiling allowing the sound to fill the room for a moment "are you scared?" he muttered in an almost whisper, julian wouldve missed it had she been someone else. but she wasnt someone else. 

 "of what?" she glanced at her twin, laying there trying to secretly glance at his hand. he never wants her to notice when he glances at their fingers, but she always does. its like the fingers she left behind send a signal to her brain that just screams "hes starring again" they dont ever speak of it

 "madeline coming and kidnapping us-"

 "its not a real kidnapping-" 

 "only we know that-"

 "samuel." she walked toward his bed she spoke with a stern tone, almost as if she was trying to mother him, which was a futile effort.

 "were going to be fine, Madeline is going to be fine. father will be fine, percy will be fine. Everything is under control." they locked eyes for a moment, seeing a reflection

 "okay?" 

 "promise?" 

 she broke the gaze, rubbing her face with her hands before groaning 

 "Sam We arent children there is no point to make promises like that." 

 "why cant you just promise its going to be okay?" his voice was begining to grow loud

 "Because there is no point! it just is! why cant you just take my word!" she spoke through gritted teeth, she was begining to grow louder aswell

 "Because last time i took your word i woke up in the infirmary covered in stiches and alone!" he spat at the girl infront of him

 there was silence for a long moment they sat there and stared at the reflection they called their sibling, their best friend, their other half. stared with nothing but distain.

 the door slowly swung open, beyond it stood percy, hair placed in a braid that laid gently across their shoulder, candle in hand just as their head poked into the room, the twins broke their gaze and stepped away from one another.

"is everything alright?" percy spoke with a softness that contrasted everything else about them, especially their opposing appearance.

 "everything is fine percy." julian spoke quietly. a nod, followed by their exit, then followed by a room filled with tension. 

 "i just want to know why julian." samuel spoke in a broken voice julian looked at him, noticing the tears in his eyes and the way he held himself in his own arms

 "what did i do wrong? why did you do that to us?" his words were beginning to slur as the tears started to fall, julian rushed over to embrace her brother they sunk to their knees, she held him in her arms, rubbing his shoulder, and letting him breathe

 "you did nothing wrong sam, it was me, i was the wrong one." she spoke softly trying to avoid tears of her own,

"but why? please just tell me why PLEASE." his voice began to break as he begged for answers, she didnt know what to say to him she let go of their embrace, wrapping her hands around his face, looking at him, ignoring the reflection of herself in his eyes 

 "i did it for you. i did it for us. we need a king, and we need someone to keep him safe. that has to be me. you did nothing wrong, you are good, you have always been good. okay? i promise." she spoke with a wavering voice she pressed her forehead against his, as he began to sob out

 "do you hate me?" "are you sure?" "please dont leave me!" 

 only to be met back with 

 "no, i love you" "yes im sure" "i am not going to leave you" 

 they sobbed in each others grasp for a moment, in a never ending back and forth 

 "do you think we'll always be together julian?" he choked out, pulling away from her grasp, but keeping his hand in hers, looking in her eyes 

"i promise we will sammy, okay? i promise." they held each other for a long time, in a way it felt as if they had never been ripped apart. 

for a moment the blade julian had dragged between them had never even been brought into their home. 

 dread and fear and shame filled julian body, she is a parasite, she is a monster. she has hurt her brother and herself, and worst of all.

 she cant even tell him the real reason why.

 'he'll never understand the way i feel. i have no purpose beyond him. I needed to protect him.'

 they begin to separate, no longer in a embrace but still close, she wipes the tears from his face with her fingers, cold against his warm skin.

 ' i will always protect him. '

 when she finishes drying his face he dries hers, his fingers graze across her skin, warming her flesh, in a reverse of her actions.

 she grabs his hands gently, being weary of her fingers that he now carries with him. 

 "i will always protect you." she speaks "please believe me when i say that." his gaze is on their hands, locked together, the closest theyve been since the incident, he sniffs before nodding and looking at julian

 " i believe you."