ALmost had a heart attack tonight

Wish I would've gotten to eat more today but now it's too late to go out to eat and all I have is plain pasta.

I really don't feel like many, if any, people really have my back if anything horrible happens to me. Hopefully I get as much time as I need before anything tragic happens.

Music and distractions have helped me make it far without feeling like everything is too alien but I feel that every morning I am drawn closer to growing up too far.

I have yet to feel like I belong many places at all in the world

I feel like such a loser but it seems like everyone expects the world of me

I don't know what I am, who I am, or what I wanna do

I guess this is a necessary part of the process so I'm trying to embrace it but jesus. The world seems to laugh at any idea that doesn't fall into the pre-made form we have set for everything and everyone. Of course this is MY world we are speaking of; everybody is on a different dimensional plane for some reason, and not even like a shared one, just one that is straight up empty and alone. and that's everyone. except for some. I know there are some people going through the exact mental journey I am but it is so hard to zoom out and feel that way. You just get so caught up in thinking with all this alone time you have and it can get out of hand so quickly.

I feel like there's many me's inside myself at all times arguing over what decision will be made next and they nearly agree but mostly settle. I'm not sure, it just leaves me feeling unstable.

I still smile everyday and my cat is fed so I'm happy.

Have a good time everyone,