Wrinkle update

I have not updated on here in a hot minute. I've been trying to focus on school and( almost failed pre calculus first semester exam and my culinary class) ( I was NOOOT focusing on school) I did it! I passed this first semester surprisingly and now I know what to work on in terms of math subjects and stuff. I was sick for a few days but I am back baybee 

Right now I am so bored but I don't want to just lay in bed on my phone for hours. I say I hate it but I can't do anything else and it bothers me so that's why I decided to sit at the dining table and write this blog. Maybe go with my dad today to get canvases and art supplies so I can paint! Or maybe I can go to CVS again and get more make up. It's hard to get anything because of the boycotts. I think wet and wild is a safe option though. I hate these big companies so much. I wish I was more independent and knew how to make my own shit like how my mom does sometimes. She makes her own soaps and laundry detergents and uses a lot of natural herbs and stuff for things like bug repellant. And the obvious, knowing how to cook. Doing things your own way is not bad at all but sometimes it gets weird though cause I remember when I suffered from body anxiety and thought I could die at any moment she was giving me oils to put under my tongue that supposedly helped with my stress. I wanted to believe it of course but idk I still thought I was having heart attacks. Also I hope I can see a wrinkly cat soon.

I feel like the only way I can get my feelings out is by typing them to people who don't know me. I want them to know my struggles but not my face. Just to save me from the embarrassment I guess?? It's kinda strange now. I wish I could tell the people I call my friends my feelings, my current mood, my interests, ANYTHING. But that's scary. Am I supposed to tell people everything? I don't really want to but, if they are friends, shouldn't I be able to? Who should your best friend in the world be? Your partner? or a friend? How do I become best friends with someone? or more like, how do I connect with someone else the same way? I saw a video, and under the video a comment said, "The reason you loved someone isn't because of them. It's because of your ability to love so much." And it made me think. I guess I do have a lot of love to give to specific people. I just wish I was able to share it the same way with others. Sometimes maybe it's their fault I can't love them that way cause they don't let me. This sounds so weird, but I catch myself loving people like a dog sometimes. I love to love. No matter what, if they hurt me and do things I don't like, I ignore those things and stay by their side. I can't speak up nor do I feel like I need to cause in the end I think it's my fault they do those bad things. This isn't good I think. I hope people love me the way I love them. 

ALBUM OF THE WEEK

No idea. But I've been having The Seventeen seconds and Faith album on repeat this the whole week. I love every single the cure album so much. There's a mix of everything, every genre that I could feel like listening to is in their discography. Robert smith is a genius. My least favorite though is blood flowers, that's all you have to know, however, maybe it's because I don't listen to it often. I'll make sure to leave some time for that album today.