friends are just people who temporarily don't hate you

I know I can't blame you for leaving but 2 years later and its still a fresh wound. I wonder if you guys know you keep me up at night. I don't remember what happened but for hours I try to remember and try to figure out how to make it right. The Ghost Of You is playing, the first song you showed us Finn, its never hit as hard as it does now. how do I say I'm sorry when you can't even look at me from the other side of the room. I know I was horrible and cold and so mental, and now that I'm properly diagnosed and on the right medication all I do is look back on how I acted and I want to slam my past self's head into concrete. It kills me to see your new friends post you guys and see you happier than I ever made you and it kills me to know you may never get to meet the healed me. You guys did nothing but love and try to help me and I couldn't give it back at the time; I know it probably made you guys restless. Do you guys even still think of me? Should I even care anymore? is it weird I'm still hung up on our friendship? I used to think I'd be happy if we could all just sit down and talk, but all I need is for you guys to just let me know you're happy and doing good for yourselves. I miss you a lot Ajay and Finn you guys changed my life a lot for the better even if at the time I didn't realize it I still look back at all you did for me and it helps.