a quick thought about 🌹

pasting this from tumblr (https://www.tumblr.com/aslice-ofcake/736795254564519936):

"learning lately that a lot of confidence is about owning up. like "yeah i'm a little addicted to my phone right now" or "yeah i'm not really over this person yet" or "yeah i still get pretty anxious in crowds" just saying anything at all but then following it up w "but i'm trying to get better" and being super nonchalant and unaffected. so powerful. you would literally be undefeatable in the face of even the most judgmental person. no one can judge you for things you already know about yourself and are trying to improve on. the trick is to know yourself from the inside out, to hold yourself accountable, and to actively improve every day. like that is literally the secret to never feeling like you're at the mercy of somebody else's judgment"

this was one of the things that caused conflict between me and 🌹. he'd apologize if you brought up something he did that hurt you, but he refused to do a deeper look at himself or take initiative with holding himself accountable. he had no desire to improve himself and was content with just complaining and wallowing forever, and it pushed both me and other people away from him. i don't think any of our friends will even listen to him vent anymore.