"New Year New Me!" You always start hearing it around December, I actually already saw a friend posting it on Facebook earlier today. I was even saying it last year which I stuck with one of my resolutions so I guess that's a plus. This year though I need to change, no question about it, because even though my partner and I of almost five years separated, I still blame myself. If I was just a better person, things might have been different. Instead I spent what would've been our five year anniversary (12/14) in tears. So what's the plan?
The Plan
I have a few ideas for a plan here. A plan for a living situation and what'll happen with the kids, a plan for not just being a better person, but a better me. First off, Monday I'll be making my way to Lewiston, Illinois because my friend is having a birthday for their son. While I'm there I'll make my way to Canton, Illinois to grab an application for an apartment. I'll explain that I'm a single dad with two children who desperately needs a place, I just really need to find a job...
The plan to be "A BETTER ME" is going to be complicated, because I've been working on that for years now. As I said though, this year it needs to happen. So here's a few goals.
I want to try meditation again for this, I noticed that every little thing has been setting me off and I hate it. Yes it could be stress, but I don't want to instantly raise my voice and fight like my step-dad. I'm terrified of becoming him.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm sloppy and at times I'm lazy. I can't be doing that, I have kids and I'm sick of screwing up and I'm sick of CPS always being up my back end. I was raised better than that.
- Be a better son / sibling
This one scares me a little. I've had two moments in my life now where someone who messed up a lot and was distant got their stuff together and started coming around more, but when they did, they both passed away. That was my dad in 2005 and my brother in 2020. I haven't been there for my siblings that much since I was kicked out at seventeen and I wanna fix that. I also wanna make things better between my step-dad and I, even if he can be one of the most difficult humans to deal with at times. I also just wanna not be a disappointment to my parents. I've only heard them say "I'm proud of you" three times. When I graduated, when my son was born, and when my daughter was born. I actually recently bought a bumper sticker cause I use comedy to help with my sadness and it says "Yeah I'm DTF: Disappointing The Whole Family."
This one is simple, I can barley make it through a conversation without a curse word. I've made it this far through this post without it though so YAY.
Having Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder (DSPD) sucks. It is where you're tired during the day, but active at night, that's why I do so well with night shifts. It's also currently four in the morning as I'm typing this, but I complain that I never sleep.
I keep going through phases where I'll starting working out then I get busy with work or when I was with my now ex wife, she never really wanted me to leave the house much for some reason.. Anyway, I'd just stop. That could also be due to my ADHD, but I don't know. I need to start and keep a good workout routine though. I'm currently two hundred and thirty pounds. That's a lot because for all of high school I was one forty-five. My first goal is two hundred, but I'd like to hit one eighty. The only issue is muscle weighs more than fat, so even though I lost fat, I gained muscle and so my weight didn't go down much. I bought a three in one pull up bar that can be used for push ups and sit ups too and I even made a little workout to the soul child remix of 19-2000 by Gorillaz.
This kind of goes with the last one. I'd like to start meal prepping healthy meals for a week or so at a time.
My back hurts so bad
- Stop saying I'm going to do something and just do it
Self explanatory
- MOST IMPORTANTLY: BE HAPPY and live for myself
One of my biggest issues is that I let my depression get's the best of me. The other is instead of living for myself, I've been living for everyone else. I just feel like I'd be even more of a burden in death than I am in life. I also just feel like I have no purpose or worth, but I want to change that. I need to discover myself. Maybe the separation will help with that, maybe it won't, only time will tell.
So yeah those are some goals that I have. I eventually wanna go back to college or an apprenticeship, but that's gonna be later in the future. Plus I like being able to say I dropped out of college at seventeen. I'm not sure where the new year is going to take me, all I can do is hope it was better than this one. Here's to twenty twenty four! Here's to new beginnings! Here's to a Better Me!
If you made it to the end of this, thank you. Blogging is not my specialty, but I will have other content coming soon as well, just let me get my life situated.
Blessed Be!
~Your friend Dave
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🥀 pillow 🗡
i think these are really good goals!! i want to do more meal planning too, i end up eating out too much >_< i'm rooting for you!!
I found a bunch off good recipes on this website. https://thegirlonbloor.com/ Good for healthy meal preps
by BetteringDave; ; Report
OOOHH i'll give this a look rn!! i usually just save stuff i see that looks good and easy on tiktok LOL
by 🥀 pillow 🗡; ; Report
theres even meal preps you can do with mason jars
by BetteringDave; ; Report
Monica
Dave I'm sure you will succeed with your goals, stay determined. there will be moments of ups and downs but don't interrupt your journey because they are part of it. It's not easy to work on yourself but you have to be proud of yourself for trying. you deserve your well-being and that of your children. I wish you all the best and I'm rooting for you! :)
Thank you, it's been a tough year, but I'm ready to change things
by BetteringDave; ; Report