monsters lurking in suburban neighbourhoods

I am a monster. It doesn't matter what anyone says, how people will try to make it seem better and console me; that doesn't undo the damage I've done.

"But you didn't deserve it, you were forced to. It wasn't you" I still did it.

And I was shunned, I was sent away, I ruined that Christmas and no matter how many jokes you make about it or try to make it seem like it wasn't my fault, I still did it. Nothing can take away from the fact that I still did it, nothing can heal the hurt I have dealt. I kept doing it over, and over, and over again. They gave me another chance, and although those people aren't making me do it anymore and I've changed and time has passed, I will still never forget that at the end of the day it was me playing out someone's twisted fantasy. I will never forgive myself for it, and I will never forget what I did.

It lingers in my mind every day, something I can never get out no matter what I try to do or think of. I have to step so lightly around everyone because I'm just going to hurt people again. I hurt everyone, and I'm not even aware of it some days. But the memory of that first instance will always stain the front of my mind like red wine on a white carpet. I will never forget what was said to me when they sent me away, when those people gave it away and when people at school found out and started to tell everyone.

I deserve nothing less of taunting and hatred, as I was the one who ended up doing it. I am the monster doing the dirty work. I am a monster, and I deserve to be shunned.