last night i prayed to god [14/12/23]

Tonight I prayed to God. I am not religious but I sat in my bed, head touching the ceiling and I prayed. Please God, give me someone I can be big with. Give me someone I can be bipolar and selfish and a nucance with. There is nothing about me that is large but my breasts and my emotions, I am 5 foot 2 and less than 100 pounds. And yet there is a burning inside me comparable to that of our sun. I am made of starstuff and I cannot fit it all inside me, I am not a planet with a molten core, I am loud and explosive and I will hurt you if you touch me. I am small enough to be held in your palms and yet if I fall I will crush the people around me. There is nothing good about me. I am seepong out through my blood and my tears I am revolting against my body. There is too much of me and too little of it, and it is breaking trying to keep my searing heat inside of it. There is no one here that is for me. I sit in the corner of a room imploding and nobody notices as I twitch and crack.

Dear God, give me someone who will weep because I am beautiful like their mother, and who will love me because I am bitter as the bile in my throat as I puke my guts out in a school bathroom again.