Confusion, nostalgia and sensations

I'm conflicted.

I want to believe that there's beauty out there, but I need to find out for myself. I can't just rely on online information because it seems scarce.

Things are there and yet they aren't? Of course they are. They are there.

I've been experiencing a strange wave of nostalgia lately. Remembering certain things I miss... I remember certain elements with such vividness. A bright blue sky and a sunny day. Sometimes I remember foggy days.

I remember the beautiful streets, the appearance and the aspects of the shops and the houses. The sounds, the colours, the smells. Everything was so... carefree. So pleasant.

I want to feel the earth. I want to feel that there is more to the plants than what they appear to be. Their colours bright, delicate; their sizes large, small; I want to see them twisted in their artistic ways, their stems vibrating with energy, grace and movement.

I want to know the birds. I want to know the animals. I'll hear them and know that they are my companions in my home. We will all be connected by our nature, our state of being and our symbolism. My soul feels their presence. It is more than what others see, because they don't open their eyes.

I want the sky to feel like I remember it. The blue can become orange or purple or pink. It expands and paints the environment with fertile memories. Its vibrancy enchants my everyday life and makes my walks to the local park feel much more magical. And the park, or should I say the parks, are all part of history. They are steeped in a mystical ancestry, while their memories live in my blood. Their unique charm seduces my senses and keeps me afloat in my imagination.

I want the houses to feel just as real as the land.

I want to sit on a patch of moss, watch the clouds and feel the mountains. I want to dig my nails through my hair, feel my curls glow in the sun, feel the wind blow past.

I want to be more than what I am.