Being An Artist Online Has Hurt Me

Being an artist online reinforces how cliquish people seem to be, and how I believe I'm just born to never be successful or liked. It has contributed to a bad mental state. Not the art itself, but the social aspect.

"Then just post what you want and don't care."

No. This is a horseshit response because the internet is a social place. Every time you post something out there, people WILL SEE IT. It is different to just keeping my art to myself, it is  inherently about showing others what I do and say. Wasting time trying to show off things you love and are proud of when everyone else wants nothing to do with it is a sad waste of time. It'd just be easier to keep it to yourself, and even if the saying is "nice", that's basically what it boils down to when you're talking to someone who DOES CARE. (Along with it being a stock phrase.) Not only is it a waste of time but it's a constant reminder that I am NOT someone to like. It makes it seem like everyone else is in on something and I'm not invited, and not cared for either. It's basically like telling me "Stop bothering us."

"Well just go out and find people with COMMON INTERESTS, because that's how people get to like each other"

Here's the other side of the horrible coin of feeling isolated and rejected, the times people DO want to interact with you and it's only in a stereotyped way in which you are put into a box and used for some "higher purpose" that disregards anything else about you. It's demeaning, or at least this behavior really feels like it. I've read a few times of people making art only for it to get attention mainly from fetishists, people who only like one specific thing the art is, and have no care for the craft or anything other than a sexual urge they will forget about immediately after.

Fandoms are exactly the same. Fanart and fetishes. The two things I HATE so much about the online art world, because it feels so devaluing. On one hand, sex object for a few minutes then discarded, on the other, it's worship of a brand/property/character and that's the only thing cared about, if you draw X they like X and Y is nothing to them, you are liked for a specific thing that is just another fucking box to be put in and then discarded as just another generic X-thing. Fanart, common interests like scenes and such. It's all the same and it makes me sick sometimes. 

Of course there are things I am interested in more than others just because, but I try. I try to say fun things and it almost never gets me anywhere. Try to be friendly to others and I'm instantly an annoyance. Like I was just born to not be liked. I am unlikable. Lately I've been commenting so infrequently because I just see it's worthless, and will likely just unwatch said people.

I also just think I see art differently than many other people. Most people, it seems, look at what is there. Emo boy. 2000s. etc. etc. rather than HOW it is there. I often spend at least a minute if not more just, trying to take in each piece I see. I love seeing other peoples' art online. I love looking through the details, try to copy in my head, or just take in the ambiance. Yes, even straight up porn I do this, my own I'm just as proud of and treat as any other art. I just get the feeling like people really do not care outside of their "common interests" most of the time, and I often wish if that exists it'd just leave me alone.

I don't want to come off as attacking anyone because I'm not, but sharing my art to the world, while I wouldn't not do it, I won't say it hasn't made me frustrated, sad, eager to please, jealous, lonely and rejected.