I get it, u killed me

Im tired; im tired but i cant sleep i cant rest im always moving, running sprinting. No matter how much i run and how much i train to have more stability speed and energy it always seem like i run with my eyes closed and them when i finally open them i never moved a single step 

my mother has actually died in my head man, and that shit fucking sucks that i hate my mother but it sucks more that i had/have to go thru that/this with her fr,

i lied abt not being home because for once i was having a lil pure happiness in a super stressful week and id be damned if her words or needs for something that shouldve have been done weeks ago ruin my moment mood, but just as usual that would never matter aslong asthere was something she wanted to say or needed. 

N the reason i lie becomes A Reality anyway some how i see ur face walk in the door after b opened it when IIIII was suposed to handle ts... for another day.

screaming and dying yelling abt papers 
all brought into ur true feelings abt me 

i rlly fucking hate u bruh, like u havent done shit for me emotionally correct ever

u make me realize why i am the way i fuckin am and how i fucking act

and no wonder why i hate my self and decision making in whole its because

its all a rmx of u 

all the lies and untold stories ive heard after and before u left 

its like god made it all add up and make sense before u left

u think i cant do it so fuckin bad and thats why i cant 

its dumb but its just like my whole life no matter what i do doubt doubt doubt 

and i always fail in it 

i get it now i needed to write this to get it tbh wow 

ur the devil cuz lmao u tell me im not shit all my life then dare have a convo with me talking abt be the only one of my offspring that does something with themselves 

like were fucking show dogs or sum shit 

Never will we have the relationship u want fucking ever because u dont fucking eserve that and have and will never earn it id rather kill myself trying to keep up with a life ive never lived with b gls eden and myself without u 

i will keep this shitty apartment without you 

i smile without 

i will marry without u 

this is not just me venting 

this is a grudge 

u see what make me happy and instead of helping make it better or blosom/ u would use it as strategy to manipulate me and drag me to be who tf u wanted me to be 

so understand ur so right if b wasnt here id prolly be cuttin myself all  day

only because i would truly have no one i could trust with my life

and rmr thats when i was lol :)