Report Blog Entry
Hey guys, hope you're all doing well.
Okay so I've been figuring out my identity since roughly 3 years now. The thing is- I know what I am at this point. I know I'm transmasc. Just a dude man idk. I would just like to exist. All of my friends are super nice and supportive or even trans themselves! My family, on the other hand is very homo- and transphobic. They don't know Im trans but they have noticed my behaviour e.g. clothes. Lets just say i went through a lot of emotional trouble because of that.
I plan to move out and live my life how I want to. On the other hand I don't want to abandon my big family. Although they have horrible opinions and are not likely to change- I still have an emotional connection to them.
Sometimes the thoughts of "what if I just lived as a cis woman" pop into my head. This would be the "safe way" but I think that it would eat away at me from the inside.
I am scared of emotional violence that I might receive in a couple of years due to transitioning or whatever.
Is there anyone who was or is in a similar situation and has some advice?
I would greatly appreciate that <3
Comments
Displaying 1 of 1 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
Welden ❦ 𓆏 ❦
My dear friend,
I'm in a slightly similar situation myself, although for me it would be easier to hide my identity and beliefs, if I wished to do so.
For now, my only advice to you and I is this, i suppose: You don't have to decide to this now. You don't have to decide right away in this moment how exactly you are going to act, what you are going to say. Focus on getting out of there, getting more independant, building your life and career as far as you can, becoming more sure of yourself as a person. And once you're in a safer space and calmer state of mind in your life, then you can still decide what you're going to do, say etc. At least that is my plan for myself. I try not to put too much pressure on current-me, because right now, for me, the right time to didn't arrive yet. And I know it hurts hearing all what you hear there, and I know how leading a double-life can wear you out. But, I suppose, one day (and the day will come), when you and i feel stronger and wiser, we will ultimately have the last word in our lives. And whatever you decide then will be just right.
And in our hearts, we both have visions of what we truly want in our lives, and when that time comes, we will have the strenght to disappoint our parents, if we so must. And it probably won't feel as bad as it does now.
That is what I think about this, recently. The past 1 and a half years, I already can notice how much I grew and feel more experience as a person and therefore feel more sure of myself, generally. And I definitely understand that to defend ourselves, we would like to feel prepared.
But sometimes, I worry too much, and that doesn't get me anywhere, so I try to remember not to do that.
This is all I have for now; I hope I didn't accidentally sound insensitive, I know you're going through a lot. If you like to, you can always tell me about your worries. <3
If other people have more advice please comment..!