My mental health is so bad

My mental health is genuinely so horrible right now and it physically hurts to be around people or even talk to them. I just want someone to take me away and burry me. I don't want to be this way. I don't want to be alive. Everything I do and think about others is so dehumanizing. My thoughts are so disgusting. I hate thinking things I don't want to think about. Like how I like the way blood tastes and feels. Like how I like looking at blood. How I like the way my scars look. How when I can see my scars fading I get the overwhelming urge to cut deeper. I even asked my grandma for razor blades for Christmas. All I can think about is how I want to die. How everyone is pushing me away. I'm pushing everyone away. How others don't wanna talk to me bc of how weird and intense I can be. I just want to feel better. I don't wanna be here. I hate having to hide in the bathroom from people that bully me. I hate waking up. I hate going to school. I hate my family. I hate myself. I hate the things I love. I have no motivation or energy to do things that I used to love. Everything is just so horrible right now and I wish it would just all go away.