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Category: Life

Full length Mirrors and other struggles


So I wanted to share some of my struggles as a member of a DID system. 

Starting off with Full Length Mirrors, specifically the one in our bathroom. It's a full length mirror but it's not vertical...it's horizontal and over 90% of the bathroom's length (the final 10% being the shower) and I hate using it. The bathroom of course is the only other one besides the Master one and that's my parent's bathroom, I can't use that. So I have to put up with the high chance of seeing our reflection and things getting bad for me mentally just to take a damn shower or use the restroom it's ridiculous. Who needs a full length horizontal mirror in their bathroom? The answer is no one, because no one needs that much mirror.

Second one has to do with other people. There are people who stare and I mean STARE at me not just because I dare go out on a Sunday wearing all black and whatever, but people who stare at me when I talk. We all don't like the body's voice (not even the one of us who identifies with that but that's for other reasons) so we attempt to do our own voices, to the best of our abilities and sometimes that's just the pattern one of us speaks sometimes it's more than that it just depends on who is fronting. But that's besides the point. 

I have to avoid people wearing cowboy hats, that's the one common factor, everyone who has ever stared at us for our voice, because a lot of us are male, has been wearing a cowboy hat or fucking the tackiest pearl necklace ever. I don't really talk in public anymore unless it's anonymous, like in VRChat where you can't tell my gender by my voice, and it's because of people who will stare at me like I'm some kind of freak or wild animal because my voice doesn't match their perceived idea of what I should sound like based on our body. We don't want to be gawked at like a circus animal, that's not fair to us, we aren't there for you to stare at us like you would a snake with legs, or a two headed dog. We are just as human as you are. I just wish these cowboy hat and tacky pearl necklace toting probably religious folk would mind their own business, like I just want to talk to my mom it's not a new thing. 

Final thing is a mixture of personal reasons and other people, and that's explaining things to people who were already close with our system and perceive us as a singlet. I recently was contacted by an old friend of one of the others about meeting up. I masked of course attempting to pretend to be the alter they were friends with. I forgot I had added Plural Kit to a server they were in, so of course they thought two different people were on the same wavelength (like thinking the same thing) when in reality it was just me using the bot. I dmed them and half explained, hoping it was enough and left it at that. But then they started loudly talking about it, and by that I mean just casually talking about it in a server where not everyone knew yet and I was trying to keep it that way, and then I had to explain that not everyone knows and that it's a big deal to keep quiet about it. They then proceeded to and still ask extremely intrusive questions, like most of their questions are met with, "I can't answer that." or "That's pretty intrusive." 

I feel ignored by them, like my boundaries are just suggestions. I keep getting told that they don't know any better but I still feel like with the uncomfortable amount of explaining I have done they would get that there are things you just DON'T ask a system. And there is specific language that hurts members of said system. I don't like being compared to an object, and I certainly don't have to tell them that I don't want to talk about why some of us formed. It's none of their business, but they are up my ass about it. 

Fuck I can't even change my pfp to a different picture, (even if it's of the same person, like I changed my Discord pfp to a different picture of Jonathan Davis and they were like, "Who am I speaking with now?") It feels like they think they are entitled to every little move I make and I can't just have fun now that they know we switch pfps on Discord sometimes. (Example being Ikkan preferring to use like one of Teethflavored's drawings of his source as opposed to like what I like using which are pics of Jon Davis. Some of us just have different tastes.) It shouldn't be that every time I change my pfp I get a dm from them asking who is fronting like they HAVE to know. It's bullshit.


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