business casual

i think  i need to write but i can never remember the things i think. memories pass too quickly, i realize i do not remember the past hours or i wake up in the morning and dont remember yesterday. thats an issue. any workout tips, guys? too much fat (read as: barely any) and i need to get rid of. asking non real algorithms produce fake patterns and people scream about how they are the only one with the "right" and "optimal" routine. whatever, fuck those guys. 

i sit alone afraid that i am missing out on things other people are doing, i dont know why. it never turns out they were doing anything, and i just end up wasting the day wondering why they wont invite me to something that isnt happening. i look in the mirror and think things and get so angry at the idea that i have wants that 

i used to not like being left alone with my own thoughts. hours spend in the back of coolers, whispering songs to myself and the only response is the sound of the AC. that job sucked. made me think about things i didnt want to. now ive had every thought on those topics, so i have been resigned to reluctant acceptance. but sometimes that acceptance is not present, and replaced by rage that i feel the way i do. its like theres too separate people, and one of them i want dead. i dont want to be dead. i have a divine purpose in this life. to be a respectable business man working in an office 9 to 5 on the weekdays. but the other part is the issue. simultaneously long to be that person and hate their guts. "fuck you bitch"f

if it doesnt work out, i move on. if it works out, thats super exciting. but the fear of actually finding out the answer is petrifying. i cant do it, i sit and think about how the thought is making me miserable. idiot. fukc you. do you even know who i am? i am a god and you are a fucking worm. i can read your mind like a book

- peeb x3c