Hiiii, it's me, Robbie!!! and today i'm going to talk about WHY I HATE LOVE!!

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 Today's blog will be in English!

(҂‾ ▵‾)︻デ═一 (˚▽˚'!)/ 

What I am going to say may not be very difficult to believe because of my previous blog, and that is that I usually have a complicated relationship with people, that is, it is very difficult for me to have normal relationships, such as friendships or boyfriends due to my mental state.

And NGL, I have always been a very lonely person, my friends are usually temporary, since friendships do not last long since I tend to distance myself from people before having an established bond, it is complex, but I try to protect myself from the inconveniences that happened to me in the past.

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And let's not talk about romantic relationships. Being a person with BPD, it is extremely difficult for me to have a calm relationship. Despite everything, I think I behave well in a relationship, but I lose interest very quickly, and I can't help but silence my mind that is screaming at me to get away and break ties with people before it's too late.

I have never had the experience of being in love, nor have I had a boyfriend, however, since I am considered an attractive person, I have had many suitors, but they only try to f#ck me, it is difficult to find someone good in this shit.

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As a person with poor mental health, I tend to do bad things just to find a bit of that feeling that fills you up and makes you feel comfortable with yourself, and despite being complicated in relationships, I liked to feel pretty and flirtatious. so I used to be a flirt with the men around me, but I used to run away before getting to the kisses, in short, I liked to get them excited and then disappear, I loved the attention they gave me, and I loved everything they did for me.

And in one of my flirtations, that was when I met him, he was an incredible guy with whom I had instant chemistry, we fit together very well and started talking, he had the power to turn 5 minute conversations into 3 hours and make me laugh like never before. Despite all the good, my mind always screamed at me to stay away from him before I fell in love and ended up vulnerable to any harm.

And yes, he was very difficult for me, but after 3 months of talking I asked him for some time; I used a very stupid excuse, and I kept it until day zero, something I must admit about myself, and that is that I am a very good liar, that's why he believed my excuse, no matter how bad and stupid it sounded.

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Something that also interfered a lot with us was that he was from my same country, but because of his university he had to go to the neighboring country to study and live there, therefore, the three months we spoke, it was only by phone.

However, he is here at this moment and last Saturday we saw each other at a meeting at his house, in a few words, he told me through actions that he was still in love with me, and he hugged and kiss me all night, pampered me and treated me very good, therefore, stupidly I got excited.

Yesterday we called and he was still just as flirtatious with me, saying "Yes" almost immediately to all the hints I gave him about f#cking, but when I asked him what he wanted with me he told me "I don't want to be your boyfriend, nor do I want to have nothing serious" and you can imagine how I felt, right?

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I hung up the phone and cried until I fell asleep, I feel so bad that I want to die, but I don't know what to do.

He loved me and I behaved like a stupid person, because I'm a b!tch I deserve what's happening to me, no one will ever love me because I don't deserve anyone's love, because I'm a wh0re, I'm condemned to be alone for the rest of eternity and that only men look for me to f#ck, maybe i deserve to die.

Well... That was all for today's blog, dear vampires.

Tschüss!!!!

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