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forget
Category: Blogging
today i woke up with that characteristic pain in my heart. i wonder if you'll talk to me soon. I hope so! I'm tired. Did I dream about something? I can't remember. » Continue Reading
kanzenhanzai
"suffering!β"
24βπChile, vampire wannabe ΰΆ
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kanzenhanzai's Blog Entries
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i lose my voice when i look at you
Category: Blogging
i don't know why I'm so comfortable around you. or better said, why i was. i guess you were too similar to me. you felt like home. i know that's not how you felt about me and i never expected it to be. I know you're still "around" but it's just so distant. it's so stupid. we were never even anything so why are you the one ignoring me? you know that it's me the one who suffered. i guess that does m... » Continue Reading
here, i was punished
Category: Blogging
i know it's only been two days. but i miss you. i wish you'd say something. i know i shouldn't really expect anything, not anymore, but I can't help but wonder. what are you up to? what are you thinking? i guess it doesn't really matter, but I'll be fine. i don't really feel bad anymore. it's just weird. I hope we'll talk again eventually? i hope you'll say something even if just "okay". » Continue Reading
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today. tomorrow. forever.
Category: Blogging
when I'm crying like that, i feel like a little kid i want to hug my grandma, i miss her so so much. i just want to feel her embrace. to smell her. it was so distinct. i can still remember it. i hope i never, ever forget. what would she say if she knew about everything? even though i know i never would've told her. would she have noticed something is wrong? what would i have said? i miss you every... » Continue Reading
thoughts for you
Category: Blogging
being high feels like being a kid again. everything feels new and wonderful. i loved being high with you. it was like i belonged somewhere in the world, like we were two kids playing together. innocence. a true bond. is that why i fell for you? is that why you hate me now? I'm really sorry about it too. i wish you were here with me. i wish you would at least talk to me. » Continue Reading
and if i had the guts to put this to your head
Category: Blogging
I don't actually remember that well. but you were holding my arm in my dream for stability, like you always have done. ill miss that. i liked walking by your side like that, even if i always knew it was not my place to be. i guess you'll never talk to me again. is that really how it's gonna be? i think you're a coward. and yet, i still love you. it doesn't matter at all, though. a part of me alway... » Continue Reading
this never meant nothing to you
Category: Blogging
i wonder if you hate me. your silence speaks volumes, i think. i guess it's dissappointing that you don't even have the guts to tell me to fuck off, but if I'm honest, it doesn't even hurt anymore. that doesn't hurt. i stopped trusting you that day, the day you actually, unknowingly, broke my heart. i guess that's what hurt the most, you broke my heart as my friend. i loved you, and you never knew... » Continue Reading
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I couldn't bring myself to call, except to call it quits
Category: Blogging
fourth of july. it doesn't mean anything to us. It's not a celebration, there's no fireworks or parties. i wonder how I'll feel when I actually see you. i wonder what exactly happened on July 4th to them. they must've had fun together. Maybe we will too. Why does it feel like it's the end? It's a goodbye, isn't it? i think my fourth of July will be different, but somehow, we're still just a paral... » Continue Reading
will you still let me over if i cross the line?
Category: Blogging
I guess I didn't want to lose control. Everything bad that happens to me is out of my control. Probably because I keep in control everything that i can , but when there's things that just...happen, that's when I get hurt. That's why it's always others who hurt me. I guess I didn't want to tell you as to not lose the full control, but now, I've already lost it. The wheel is moving fast and I've los... » Continue Reading
casual
Category: Blogging
actually thinking about you is still painful. I'm higher than cloud 9 right now, and yet when i think about you it just hurts. and I'm still a stupid idiot. what a fucking idiot. my mind wandered off to how cool/cute it would've been if we had went together, dressed up, with our matching Sylvanian families. and then i thought that it could still be cool but we should have each other's Sylvanian..... » Continue Reading
tears, my mute language of love
Category: Blogging
i used to mourn the fact that you'd never love me. Now I'm just glad I never had a chance. I honestly feel stupid for still having an ounce of love for you. But you know? I think I miss the days when I loved you blindly and foolishly. I miss the way I loved. Why is my love always wasted on people who hurt me? At least you regretted it. I know that's the bare minimum, but before, I hadn't even been... » Continue Reading
letting go
Category: Blogging
i remembered the last time i felt betrayed like this. I remember i didn't tell anyone and played down my own feelings. It was years ago, and even though i eventually got over it, it's a scar I'll carry with me till the day i depart of this world. I won't let it happen again. This time I'll let myself be known, no matter what the outcome is. I won't tone myself down anymore for the sake or the com... » Continue Reading