"right place, wrong time"
jono, 17, wretched
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https://blog.spacehey.com/jonotheistic
Category: Life
i cannot fucking talk to people it grates every atom of my being and part of my soul to talk to new people that dont already know me. i cant ever talk to new people either. it grates me, i am so fucking horrified of everything, of socializing, and embarrassing myself, and others hating me everyone stares at you with sharp daggers. if you dont already know them, they turn their backs. it feels like... » Continue Reading
— 2 Comments— 6 Kudos
Category: Religion and Philosophy
to preface, i am an agnostic deist i believe there is no meaningful or viable proof for neither the existence, or lack of existence, of a divine being or creator. if such creator did exist, i believe their only influence was the creation of the universe, nothing more, not any divine influence on humanity. theres nothing that makes me grit my teeth more than egotistic christians (or anyone in the a... » Continue Reading
— 1 Comment— 4 Kudos
Category: Friends
i wish i could have another word with all the people ive lost in the past a final momento of sorts, to the people that i couldnt keep around or arent here anymore. some form of rectifying all the things ive done and thought about over the span of time apart. i remember when i was told that my father deeply regretted not being able to talk to me. he always sent texts to me, that i never knew how t... » Continue Reading
— 1 Comment— 6 Kudos
Category: Life
i never like making decisions, really i hate being the one behind the trigger, the one calling the shot, because i feel responsible for all the bad that comes from my poor judgement i do it time and time again where the choices i make that i think are best, and they totally backfire. so many people ive hurt and stung because i thought i was doing the right thing. the guilt of that makes me want to... » Continue Reading
— 1 Comment— 3 Kudos
Category: Life
breakups aren't ever fun, but it wasnt on bad terms and im still her friend, just poor circumstances not allowing things to work out. thats how all my relationships are, really. i dont hate any of my past partners im gonna start waning off of my medications. the vyvance is making me hallucinate, and the sertraline is causing my weight gain to get worse. neither of them really help much anymore, so... » Continue Reading
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Category: Friends
this post could go to the numerous amount of people in my life that ive lost or distanced from, for one reason for another because despite anything that's been done to me from said people, ive never seen them as bad people and i never will! ive always been forgiving, too much for my own good in some cases, but i still love and appreciate all the people i still have and no longer have. i wouldn't ... » Continue Reading
— 2 Comments— 12 Kudos
Category: Life
ill never return to that old self of mine the kid that lit up a room when they stood in it, that was happy and saw the good in things without any doubt, an innocence to their mind that many wished they kept i used to be so timid yet happy, i was a tool forsure i was the most shy kid imaginable but people enjoyed my presence! i was smart, i had lots to say (even when i didnt know how to say it) and... » Continue Reading
— 2 Comments— 8 Kudos
Category: Life
i hate my smile in photos people always assume im being edgy or socially dense when i stare into a camera and smile, but its just a visual thing i have a weird face, when i smile it makes one of my eyes squish more than the other and i look super weird. if i do smile, i have to squint a bunch to make it even its been a bit of an insecurity of mine, im truly a more joyful person to be around than o... » Continue Reading
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Category: Life
that two faced wicked second voice of my consciousness that doubts and twists the truth of all the good that comes to me im a pretty enveloped guy when it comes to my brain. im an overthinker and i have whole conversations with my inner monologue. im in there alot of the time because theres alot on my mind alot of the time but a secondary, far more bitter one appears when i least want it to, one t... » Continue Reading
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Category: Life
i feel permenently indebted to everyone i love. like i owe something to people, some morally grandstanding part of me that feels incomplete and hollow if im not helping others or making others happy. and i will never take the same grace as i have always felt it wasnt deserved, for some reason. on a logical view i know im a good person, ive done so much for so many, but i will never fully accept th... » Continue Reading
— 1 Comment— 8 Kudos
Category: Life
that cursed year, where shit shattered so unbelievably hard for me that it still weighs on my wellbeing because i was a regular kid, loved by a mother who, in all reality, i saved from death. even though dad wasn't in the picture, i had a good life, with family that loved me (and spoiled me rotten) and i had everything i ever wanted but, sins of the father, right? and i still loved him, despite hi... » Continue Reading
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Category: Life
bout of loneliness kicked me in the head, yet i feel a little selfish for feeling bad about it its nothing crazy, i just feel like i chase a feeling ive never even felt and cant find, and that im running in circles its easy for me to feel undeserving, like im the monster in my own life, the antagonistic force, and yet i do good, i know i do good, and i remind myself i do good maybe im just overthi... » Continue Reading
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