stupid recovery blogging // day eleven

nothing bad happening rn, still upset that he might be mad at me and i basically just blacklisted him for a year and 4 months but eh. im fine.

becoming a tadc fan i love the amazing digital circus sm

update two: STILL UPSET I GOT REPLACED BUT TAHSGS THE KEY IF I HYPERIFZXAYE ON THST I CAN STOP THINKING SBOUT HIM FO R A BIT I WIN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

update three: STGTROFOPVPPP PP PP P LET ME HAVE FIXATIONS ITHOUT THINKING ABOUT HIM HE REMINDS ME OF BARRRRRRYYYYYY IN SPARKLECARE STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPUUUUGHHHHH

update four: STOOOOOPPPPUUHHHH im too invested in this i feel connected to uni in too many ways i dont like the fact that barry and uni are like polar opposites that just reMINDS MEOF ME AND HIMMMGUGBXHUOHLGFXUKGDHX

update five: I DONT WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE IM STRAIGHT UP DONE IM FINISHED I HATE THIS I HATE MY LIFE IVE BEEN REPLACED AND NOW IM TRAUMATIZED AND NO ONE WILL LISTEN I CANT TELL ANYONE NO ONE CARES NOBODY CARES I AM JUST A SLAVE TO EVERYONE IM JUST OBLIGED TO HELP WITH PEOPLES PROBLEMS AND WHEN THAT AFFECTS ME AND DEVELOPS MY OWN PROBLEMS IM SELFISH AND RUDE AND A BOUNDARY BREAKER AND EVERYONE LEAVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND ITS GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN IT HAPPENED ONCE I CAN SEE IT HAPPENING RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST RUIN EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE HOW YOU LEFT ME I HATE HOW YOURE ALL GOING TO LEAVE ME IM STUCK AND I CAN NEVER GET OUT I WANT TO DIE. I WANT. TO DIE. END MY SUFFERING. END. MY. SUFFERING. IVE MESSED UP 13+ TIMES NOW. I JUST MAKE PEOPLE MISERABLE. I JUST. MAKE. PEOPLE. MISERABLE. IM SORRY. I DONT DESERVE TO LIVE. I DONT DESERVE TO LIVE. I DONT. DESERVE. TO LIVE.