27.9.23 (｡╯︵╰｡)

heyo my catz!! that's the name i came up with for you guys (＠＾◡＾)

so! my ex-boyfriend. bit of context for you guys: he was a reddit user with a porn addiction and MUCH uglier than i am (full offense intended) and used me for sex and comfort until i got clingy because i have bpd and then he got neglectful and abandoned me. 凸(`△´＃) i was still talking to him at this time but he left me on read and then i got sooo triggered so i blocked him! how silly of me!

he dmed me on instagram about it, which i didn't see until a few years later (i don't really use insta) and then we got into a big argument. (ノ_<、) i split on him pretty bad and chewed him out and then blocked him on instagram too. this left me pretty mad for quite a while but i have been recently tempted to apologise and say i'm getting better so we can get back together. i know how bad that is though ヽ(`⌒´メ)ノ

regardless, i've been feeling pretty angry lately so i'm trying to meditate more and incorporate that into my general outlook. (⌒‿⌒) it's really working too, but sometimes i don't feel like doing it so i haven't really in a while. i am also autistic, and when i was a kid, i felt a lot of difficulty even feeling genuine anger - i was more passive aggressive / spiteful and saw things with a cold and vengeful outlook instead of an emotive one. (⇀‸↼‶) recently, it's all coming to the surface but i think this is good because i'm finally able to be more true to myself and stand up for myself a little more. 

my birthday was also 2 days ago, on sept 25! i forgot to log on that day, but it was sweet because i went blonde, had pancakes and unboxed a few gifts. (⌒▽⌒)☆ i got £100, along with a lip balm, some rose quartz and pins and a bunch of snacks. i also did some online shopping, and didn't even get detention! (((o(*°▽°*)o))) tomorrow, i'm getting my nails and eyebrows done and i'm having a party on saturday. will post another entry about that. kinda anxious. (☆_@)