why do I miss people I shouldn't (VENT)

!!Don't read if you don't want to hear about this 😭!!

Like I get it I have to stop missing them, and I have to stop crying over them but I can't help it I can't help missing it or thinking about what I could've done better.

I miss my old best friend I know I really shouldn't she was terrible to me and I was bad too but she was like the only one to ever understand what I was going through everyone else didn't care or made jokes out of it! she knows when something was off when I was off. 

I just miss her and I wish I didn't miss her I wish all these sad feelings would go away already.

I miss my ex WHICH IS WORSE I really shouldn't it's been like almost a year now? but he would treat me wonderfully for Valentine's he got me this amazing gift my mom asked what I did to make him love me that much for my birthday he made me a note that was huge and literally reached the floor for homecoming he made a nightmare before Christmas poster thing that night we fought but then he sent me the sweetest message ever about how much he cared for me and he would never forget me if we broke up and I probably would LOOK AT ME NOW I miss him more than anything.

he was the only one to text me every day too every relationship that I've been in since then barely texts me at all.

He treated me better than anyone could've ever and I regret everything I did yes I was a bad person I should've treated him how he treated me If I could go back in time I would literally fix all my mistakes. seeing him every day at school and one of my friends being friends with his friend does not help, we get too close.

I just miss him and I know that won't change for a long time I force myself to have a crush on anyone just to try and forget him but that doesn't help I still miss him and then I feel guilty.

Literally, last night I had a dream about him and that things got better we were back together.

I keep having dreams of him and at the end of the day, I'm probably crying.

One thing I hate hearing is "stop thinking about him" "It'll get better" "You have to move on" blah blah but that's hard I can't help missing the guy who made me so happy. 

I DON'T WANNA TO HEAR I HOPE IT GETS BETTER >:( 

anyways if you read this all thank you! And if you are my certain friend I never said this I'm someone completely different :D 

Literally me after venting everything I feel at the moment :D