I don't understand why it's so impossible for me to have friends. I see all sorts of people getting close which each other and hanging out, I don't understand why it's so hard for me. It's an impossible task. I'm legitimately stuck between a rock and a hard place. The rock being the fact that I get SO awkward being with people. The hard place being my loneliness.
I know it's basically my fault. I mean, you become so reliant on a person that when they leave you're left with nothing. But that doesn't mean it doesn't suck. The fact that It's my own doing doesn't make it hurt any less.
I just don't get along with people. They never like me. I have no idea what it is. I don't know if it's the way I talk or just my general vibe. But people never want to stick around as a friend.
Sure I know people. Sure I talk to them. But I don't have any FRIENDS. I don't have a best friend and it kills me. I don't need a whole group of people who hang out all the time and stay up all night talking.
I just need ONE person.
I just need a best friend. Someone who I'm comfortable with and I can tell anything to. But I need to be THEIR best friend too. Mutually.
I feel stuck.