if u got death anxiety DO NOT READ /GEN

Warning in title only bc i know itd fuck me up .Man ive got crazy death anxiety and i keep coming up with new ways of thinking about it somehow. Most recent one is how ive basically experienced death before in the form of my past. My memories. I will never be yesterday again. Hopefully ill get over it for real when im 22 lol (coping hard) like i wouldnt need to worry abt it for real bc i personally believe its just . Theres gotta be a start and an end and life/consciousness on earth is only here bc its the most efficent way of not dying so scratches my ass. i think part of it is the fact i wont be able to control it and i always feel stuc k in my brain as a brain. Scratches my ass. I find space and history terrifrying . 

I get why people turn to god.

 Im glad i can at least write about it now without going into a panic attack. Its been weeks since i realised again mostly caused by pms ?? Giving me more anxiety and it gave me constant anxiety headaches it was crazy. Yolo in my blood. Spent a bunch on splatoon amiibos bc whenever i move out i wont be able to spend so freely. Whats the point of hoarding money when i could die tomorrow? Yay