all nighter again :l

Haven't had time to practice jp since school started. Yesterday I skipped for the dentist and my mouth is sore, I'm glad it isn't numb anymore though. Today is my 5th day of school and the 3rd I've had to pull an all-nighter for. I haven't slept more than 2 hours on a school day. I wish I was allowed to go to the library or a restaurant to study, I can't study and do homework at home. My parents are pressuring me into buying a car but If I drive I'll be earning basically nothing because of gas. I also need to pay for college and a transfer year. I wish I could take the tarp off my window, but I'm scared of wasps so I have to wait for winter. It lets the heat in but also keeps it in, and sometimes it's too cold to sleep in the winter, but at least I don't get headaches and constantly feel sick because of the heat. I just hope it snows this year, I'm really in the Christmas spirit for some reason. I hope someone invites me to hang out for Christmas. I want to go to a friend's house so we can go to neighborhoods and take a walk in the snow and listen to music with each other and look at decorations and fall in the snow and sled and do snow things at night with the pretty decorations. That's what I want for Christmas. I would be happy with nothing as long as I could do that. I just want snow and a friend. I'm not allowed to go past my mailbox (dw it's a good 10-minute walk I don't live in the suburbs so not that bad just gets old after 16 years) so I just sit in my room really, and it feels like our family gets smaller and smaller every year, and we practically don't even celebrate anymore. last year we didn't even take the tree out. I had the same Christmas wish last year, and it didn't come true. I know this year won't be different, but that doesn't mean I can't hope. I don't mean to be or seem unapretiaing though, sometimes I just feel like an inside dog in a crate that was wanted until it was realized I had to be taken care of. I just want to be able to go wherever I want. It's not even like I'm a grade or jr. high schooler either. I can drive and I've almost graduated. Idk kinda disappointed mood rn bc its 2 a.m. and I still need to shower and read an 11-page article and write a debate on it even though this is my break from doing the 30-page one. idk, but I still think today was a good day, even if it sucked a little, good things happened.


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Menheraboi

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As the seasons change, so too do the moments of life; embrace each one with equanimity. In the gentle dance of yin and yang, discover the harmony within yourself and the world around you. Let the snow of your hopes settle softly, and may the warmth of the present melt away any worries. Through the stillness of acceptance, may you find the freedom to navigate the rivers of life with a heart at peace.


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You are a wonderful person, I do appreciate you.

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