you have your alt, i’ll have mine

it’s late and i wanted to get this thought out

i find it really interesting how the term “alt” is developing in the tiktok era. it’s followed the age old trend of subculture becoming the “cool” thing, and then the idea that it deviates from the norm becomes the norm and instead of individuality everyone dresses the same to seem the most individual (does this make sense? watch the south park episode on goths lol). especially so combined with the hyperactive trend cycle, where girls who dyed their hair black and drew on perfect, solid raccoon eyelids one year ago are now clean girls who are now girl dinner(i don’t use tiktok idk what the kids are up to). i find it interesting too because if you look at its punk and emo predecessors, you can find cultural and political impetus, but for egirls and alt people(not as a catch-all but in the pop way you see online- girls with black lipstick, blue hair, and at least one post referring to themselves as dommy mommy), it seems to be driven from goth girl titty memes and trying to corporatise and make a trend of (disturbingly recent for the trend cycle!) nostalgia for the mid-2000s online space. it really seems to solely be an aesthetic rather than a true subculture.

i’m someone who dyes all the hair on all parts of my body bright colours and i don’t shave any of it off, apart from my head. i have visible facial piercings. other than that i dress comfortably albeit with weird graphic tees. i don’t wear makeup at all. i’m always braless and i don’t wear bikini tops at the beach. i wear rainbow coloured barefoot shoes that look more like leather socks. i listen to all kinds of music. i’m pretty unassuming if you don’t look too closely. yet i’m almost always assigned into the specifically tiktok “alt” crowd just because of the colour of my hair or my face piercings. the most annoying is when people immediately blue hair and pronouns me (they’re usually correct but that’s besides the point- it’s like, just because i don’t fit into a traditionally man or woman mould, i can’t be one? wtf??). 

i feel like my personhood is boiled down to markers of my appearance that in reality mean absolutely nothing beyond personal preference. i’m not following a trend cycle and have honestly never been one to (i was begging for wide leg jeans while skinny jeans were en vogue and i dye my jeans purple even though coloured jeans are so ten years ago and i will wear a rhinestone encrusted butterfly t shirt for fun and you couldn’t pay me to wear anything nude coloured or anything cropped stupidly). and yet i’m assigned an in-group that will shift and change and order aliexpress all while i am none the wiser. even then, what are they alt to? their contemporaries on the tiktok battlefield of hugely popular style trends, all of which are doomed to die prematurely? 

aligning yourself with an aesthetic has become a trend in itself and i find it to be a poison when it comes to actual, real personal expression. it’s cliche like what you like. who cares what core it is. any social capital you gain from the way you dress should be earned by your individuality, otherwise it will slip through your fingers like sand as the next trend ticks closer and closer and you will have nothing to show for yourself while you chase it.

i also have real problems so who cares. delete tiktok and stop buying fast fashion!! goodnight.