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Category: Life

Nothings felt real.

Ever since 2021 nothing in my life has felt real, like at all.

No matter what I do, everything just feels like I'm watching myself, like a show, like I have no control over my actions, and that sucks, cuz I know I do, but it doesn't feel like it, yk? I keep making dumbass decisions without even thinking or realizing and just hating myself after. I hate what I've done to myself, I've let myself become a lazy emotional train wreck and idk how to fix things. All I've done all summer long is lay in bed on social media or crying. I've been trying to go out recently but whenever I do it feels unreal, like nothings happening, I keep thinking that if I go out I'll feel better about everything, but when I get home I just feel like I've been in bed all day and get mad at myself, like everything feels like a dream. Not in a good way.

I've been trying to hang out with friends, but everytime I'm around anyone I wanna bawl my eyes out, I get so anxious and scared and idk why, I have no reason too, I love my friends. I just feel so shitty. 

Idk just needed something to write abt, soz.

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