autism vs adhd

sometimes i question myself if im faking my autistic traits for attention but then like who am i getting attention from i actively mask my symptoms but then so there is no one to see them,

maybe im faking them for the active search to be 'unique' and 'different' which may be the case i dont really know

 #however i find this the case when it comes to some people on the internet im not claiming that all people who say they have some mental illness or condition are lying but i feel like especially on tiktok people are listing random 'quirky' things and then saying they have autism or like bpd which im like yes this could be a sypmtom of that condition i feel like doing that one 'quirky' things doesnt automatically make you autistic you can be neroutypical and have autistic traits,, its okay to not to have a mental condition which sounds a bit weird bc isnt that what we want

 maybe its the 'glorification' and romatisization or some mental health condtions like autism and depression like yes some people may find it 'cool' to be nerdy about a certain subject when it in fact is just your special interest and you hyperfixate on it to the point where you cannot get work done and you cannot stop talking about it 

its not cool and quirky to stay in your bed all day questioning your existence, thinking or terrible thoughts to the point you cannot eat clean or look after yourself or others like depression isnt fun cool

that when i hate it when people say autism is a superpower like no its a disability and thats okay but having a mental breakdown because you hate a certain smell doesnt sound like a superpower to me 

sorry for the rant i really want to say more i need to get to the pint of this blog lol ive already made similar blogs about possibly having autism and my adhd diagnoses and the weird paradoxes

SYMPTOMS OF AUTISM

-i really like schedules and i do not like moving house and travelling i like to be at one place i do not like the chages and i change alot when this happens, i hate and really hate being late i hate feeling out of control

i hate feeling out of control to the point where i need to hold the tv remote when watching tv even if im not watching or changing the channel i need to know its there

my room is organized mess its so messy but i know where everything is but i hate it when my parents move my stuff or clean it up now i have n idea where everything is i become anxious

-i have sensory issues but i think i mask those issues ever since i was a kid for context im 14

1. i feel always itchy and i dont why it makes me want to cry
2. sometimes loud classrooms are not that bad but then suddenly the shouting gets louder and it hurts my ears and i feel like crying but people judge so i pretend im okay as in primary and secondary i get called a crybaby but when i pretend i get get angry and project my anger to someone else or something i dont mean it though it just comes out and i think people might think its my personality
3. tapping my fingers repeatedly make have these weird tingles and it makes me want to vomit
4. however when i listen to music i really like it makes me have tingles in head and my back
5. i hate chewing noises
6. heaving walking
7. heavy brething

• i have a very weird relationship with food

1. when i ate chicken nuggets i used the peel the skin of the nuggets and eat them like that i didnt know that wasnt normal
2. when i eat food i only eat that food breakfast lunch and dinner for weeks and weeks
3. i used to only drink hot tea with a straw at least the only think i also drank was water. I only reason i stopped is beacuse i moved house

i like strings of numbers liek number plates i always stare at them and like dates too

-i talk very loudly and i dont realise it

-i talk to myself pretty much like all the time people catch me doing it all the time at school or at home

-i have always struggled to make and keep friends i have never really had a 'best' friends

i dont realise when something is a secret like as a child my parents told me i cannot be friends with someone bc they were a bad influence on me but then the next day i told that person word for word what my parents told me i told my parents what i told them and i got in sooo much trouble i didnt realise what i said was wrong i was just stating facts

i correct people in sentences all the time nd just found out people think im being rude to them i didnt realise i was 

-im very introverted over the easter holiday i haven't spoken to my friends once i dont like talking to people its draining

-i use phrases and jokes from movies/tv shows to try and make jokes as lots of the time people do not get what im saying

-im very interested in certain topics like astrophysics, history and lego i tend to ramble a lot about these things

-i do really well in science, history and german without trying all my life i was called a 'gifted' kid

-my brain organization system is like a big spider diagram that everything ive watched, read, learnt is kept and connected to everything

-when i learn something i must learn it straight away or i will never understand it

-if i want something now i need now or i get upset

ADHD SYMPTOMS

-my brain is still very clutterd -hates and find it difficult to start boring tasks 

-talks really fasts

i forget alot of things like my buss pass ive lost it a lot of times in a year and half 

-i have a really bad case of maladaptive daydreaming 

i hate waiting my turn

-im a very 'hyper' i like to jump around im always doing something

i talk to much 

i forget to do things all the time

i get distracted 

i cannot not take things personally, basically i take everything 'personally' (executive dysfunction)

i feel like i always on a motor

i have intense hyperfixations then i never liek them a again

i even have hyperfixations on people

i feel like i have this paradoxal thing of where i forget things i should remember like my bus pass, school books planners ect and stuff like homework but when it comes to my hyperfixations on physics, spiderman, math and the others that rotate i can very easerly remember them

i also have this thing where i have always had an interest in science and math but i hyperfixate on different topics but they rotate as well as history and art, so i rotate with loving marine biology then its the cold war months later its art then astrophysics then the french revolution then its roman history my main hyperfixations are always there they just take turns of the one i like the most in that certain time

maybe its like they r always consistant like a special interest but change every so often like a hyperfixation? i dont really im just guessing

and also i have a hard time making desicions its liek i take 1 second and be impulsive or take 40 minutes like going shopping i take 3 mintues to by 3 sweets or 5 hours its either im to impulsive or cannot make a desicion its so hard to live with omg

does anyone feel the same?

would i qualify for an autism assesment?

i dont really know as adhd and autism overlap and i did experience alot of tramau as a child so maybe its a differenty issue altogether who knows