rite of passage

i lie 

with no intention of sleep

i listen and focus in

on my heartbeat

i count to ten, ten times

and try to free my mind 

from wondering off about the day 

she died 

pictures of before 

flood my memory 

i wish i could have done more 

but i didnt have the energy 

it was taken by you

and your rite of passage 

unwell mothers 

tame your sons 

moving lovers  

hold the gun

i watch 

watch time tick down

humanoid creatures 

screaming out loud 

the paint is melting off 

now off the canvas of

the oval portrait 

of my girl

 sporting a frown

pictures of before 

flood my memory 

i wish i could have done more 

but i didn't have the energy 

it was taken by you

and your rite of passage 

 its gonna take me a while  

to recover 

from the impact 

recall and remember 

its gonna take me a sec 

or two 

to recollect

what happend in December    

it was the end times 

of the best part of life 

the  last month

i really had one 

it was the bed sheet 

with cut outs for eyes 

so we could see 

but now 

were nothing but phantoms