addiction (to people pleasing)

Its been a while! i haven't blogged since last month.

any updates on interesting things happening in my life? i'm using this spacehey profile almost like a diary; a digital diary. for sharing things like that i'm re-watching game of thrones. or how i bought a kilo of matcha powder, only to still have to learn to make a proper matcha latte.

anywho,

i've been writing for about a year now, year and a half, and i'm discovering the same thing that i have with drawing, I LOVE TO DO IT! but as with any relationship there is a honeymoon phase that inevitably ends. you become aquanted and you love eachother now, so much! it doesnt need to be said anymore. you just do eachother. this is what happens with art. if you do not give it space; space to breathe; space to be; space to come to you. and so i must learn to breathe and give space for my own air to fill my lungs. if i do not, art will consume me and i will start to hate it. and run away from it.

there is a time and place for everything. i remember myself not ever learning how to take a proper break before, you guessed it, my doom; my burn out. only 16 and already burnt out? how is this possible? simple really. you never teach a child to just sit down, shut the fuck up, and fall asleep in your lap while you caress their worried little heads.

its easy to spot a people pleaser. its easy to people please.

learning how to set proper boundaries(for a people pleaser) is like not scratching an ick. a people pleaser always scratches their ick. which is to see people happy. at their own expense. a deadly cycle, that is going round outside of themselves. what to know about people pleasing, is that it removes one from themselves. it creates outside cycles and patterns that do much better being practiced in silence in the comfort of their own space, their own heads, their own inner world.

how to treat people pleasing? well, look at it like any other addiction, just stop doing it.

sorry, that was not funny. <-- is me people pleasing for saying something that is obviously easier said than done, but none the less true.

how to quit? well, what is your addiction? besides people pleasing? some people people please not to please others for the sake of not feeling anxious, but simply to have control. that addiction is out of mine. and should be dealt with differently than how i describe my own people pleasing addiction. ive been addicted little in my life. any addiction i started, i was aware of. like smoking. ''aaah so bad!'' the thing with smoking is that its hard not to see it for what it is. you either become a guilty smoker, or you throw away that guilt and you say, ''yeah so fucking what! i smoke, i fucking need it" and ofcourse we as people dont need to smoke our lungs to death, but any addiction is healthy with boundaries, healthy expectations and a realistic view on said addiction. addiction is coping (simplified). coping is what we do to live(also simplified). we either survive, or we cope. when we survive, our ego is real good at being real mean. when we cope, we simply give in to lifes pleasures and let them heal us. finding healthy coping mechanisms therefor is a must. smoking, is not. but, as stated before, is known to be unhealthy.

people pleasing is an unhealthy coping mechanism. but unlike smoking; can be beneficial for others. therefor it is less likely to be seen as harmful. at least not for the ones benefitting from it.

i mentioned earlier "what else is your addiction?'' (yes i wrote it differently) because in order to fix what is not seen as an addiction, but really is, i must make the connection. in my own head. if i dont see it as harmful(people pleasing), like smoking, i will simply continue to do it.

what are the stages of quitting an addiction?

i know withdrawal is one of them. ill once again take my smoking addiction to lay the connection. wanting to go back to smoking, why? why, if i know it is bad and(i have proven this to myself) i can live without it, do i feel i need it? for me, because at some point it helped and made me feel better. it is however a quick fix, a band-aid on a bullet wound. which i will have to keep on re-applying.

(ofcourse people pleasing reveals much deeper roots)

either way, and addiction takes time to get rid of. i quit smoking for 3 whole months, and then became a social smoker. i am happy with the middle groung that i could find. because setting realistic expectations will relieve some of the pressure that i would usually try to relieve with said addiction, ''oeh Nicotine, baby, take my stress away'' i say no more.

i continue to rid myself of addictions and coping mechanisms that no longer suit me and are unhealthy. if i come up with more things to say on these matters i will blog about it, because i feel like it :)

thanks for reading!

stay kind,

Rose