distant

i ve been felling so distant lately 

idk why

i also feel like I've been acting different to my friend

i feel like I've been more of an asshole but not in a mean way... idk..

idk why i feel so bad bc this is how i am. i just put on this mega nice front so then i can actually make friends but my mega nice front isn't me 

idk how to describe it 

i just hope my friends know that how i act rn is how i really am 

i also cant help it, but my mind has been off too

my life feels fake.. sorta like a game and im just aimlessly controlling it

I've also been wondering what my friends think of me. i want to so badly just ask them to tell me everything that they think about me 

would they do and don't like 

I've also been wanted more... sorta actual friendships. i have m and g but that's really it. and e too but im not very close with him

ik more people but we arent v close. 

I've been sorta frustrated with r lately too bc they always tell me to text them but they never respond or always say they're busy. like dude this texting shit goes two ways 

im not gonna constantly reach out if all im met with are no replies

even tho ik a lot of people they arent my friends .

i wish i had more friends but im so picky when it comes to it. i cant be friends with any type of basic person. like the lululemon, calvin clein wearing; starbuck sipping girls 

a lot of them are nice but i just cant. the ones I've met just don't have any sort of understanding of the rest of the world...

anyways that my rant of the day LOL