i want to change

I don't know what to do with myself. I try and try again, and I fix my mistakes and go on with life and forget about my past, but I feel like it's holding me back. I dont want to go on like that, but I don't know what else I'm supposed to change to not feel left behind and alone anymore. i can't go on like that. i need to change. i want to change. but i wish there would be a guide or an instruction. why can't i just go to ikea, walk through the aisles and find my name and memorise it.