colours feel different

its my 5th day sober and i am finding a new sort of beauty in colours, specifically in nature. I dont know if it is because of not drinking or because of the willful decision to make change and move forward in my life but I feel my senses drinking the world around me in unfamiliar ways. but not unfamiliar scary just unfamiliar new. It hasn’t even been as difficult as i thought outside of the random “this would be so much more fun if i was drunk” thought but thats just the evil part of my conscience because most of the time it isnt even really true. And as much as i can speculate on the increased funness of an event with alcohol added to it, I can equally speculate on how much for destructive an event couldve been if I were drinking.

my mom got home absolutely smashed today and i had to help her to bed and she was barely able to keep balance or talk. Being on the outside of that moment when I was the one not in control of my own body only days ago is weird and sobering, pun unintended, but its just odd to feel the concern i feel and think about how my friends and family must have felt when i came home in an even worse state. 

I am just at peace with my intentions at the moment and hope to see it through.