(TW TW TW if you dont have a dissociative disorder or dont want it triggered dont read this i dont wanna feed into anyones self harmful thought patterns. also mention of self harm and other bad things TW TW)

i miss dissociating. i miss the benzos. i miss the alcohol. i miss the sh. i miss the not thinking what i was doing. bein reckless..  i still make bad decisions no matter how hard i try not to, back to back. so why try at all. why not just give in. why not jump off the train again. its gonna be okay like it was that time anyways, god wouldnt let me die:)