One day I’ll incorporate pictures and/or video into one of these surveys

1.) Do you know how to tune a guitar?

I sure don’t!

2.) What’re your favorite flavored chips?

Spicy Nacho Doritos, Wasabi Funyuns (sadly discontinued), All-Dressed Potato Chips (it’s a Canadian flavor explosion that was briefly available via some special edition Ruffles or Lays)

3.) Do you own a top hat?

No. Should I? Maybe if I ever get my daily wear tuxedo.

4.) Are you currently in denial?

I don’t know how to answer this without sounding like I am

5.) Is there someone you keep on speed dial?

I haven’t had speed dial since the early 2000s. How old is this survey?

6.) What do you usually think about before you fall asleep?

Fuck, I don’t want to go to work in the morning 

7.) Do you like to record voice memos?

Yes, but until recently I didn’t know how to access the app on my phone, so I made like 1 or 2 a year when I’d stumble across it for 7 years and now a handful since late last year. 

8.) Do you get told often you are wise for your age?

I used to when I was younger, but there was no age qualifier. I was just wise. I might still be, but no one is bringing me problems I can provide sagacious advice for. Or maybe my age has caught up to (surpassed?) my wisdom. 

9.) What do you find in your opinion is an absolute waste of time?

Dwelling on things that can’t be changed 

10.) Who does your living arrangement consist of? Do you like it?

 My wife and I. I enjoy living with her, but the apartment itself could be better.

11.) Have you ever asked someone to tie your shoes for you?

Of course, but probably not since I was a kid

12.) Have any bands you’re obsessed with?

No

13.) Are you prone to colds?

 Not especially, but I probably get them the normal amount 

14.) What’s a beverage you could drink forever and never get tired of?

Haven’t found one 

15.) Who’s your favorite philosopher?

I’ve actually taken some philosophy classes and enjoyed some of the topics, as well as read some philosophy on my own, but none of the names I can remember are particularly favorites. I guess whoever held up the plucked chicken and said, “Behold, a man!” for the lols.

16.) Do you partake in public transportation or do you walk or have your own ride?

 A combination thereof

17.) Do you know a boy named Derek?

I don’t currently know any that spell it that way, and I’m not sure I ever have. No one else I’ve met spells it like I do.

18.) Have you ever tried to jog backwards in slow motion?

What the fuck? Are you OK survey-writer?

19.) What is your ideal vacation place?

Seattle, assuming it hasn’t radically gotten worse in the intervening years. Tokyo seems fun, but I’ve never looked into v deeply

20.) Do you tend to nod or just agree silently when someone is talking to you?

That’s quite the limited binary of options. I’m worried about you, survey-writer. Anyway, I might nod or hmm if I agree or am neutral. If I disagree, I might say something or stay silent, depending on the circumstances

21.) Can you read a map or compass better?

Compass, at least for cardinal and ordinal directions. I can follow Google Maps, but I’ve never navigated with a traditional map.

22.) How do you feel about lofts?

I worry I’d fall, but the extra storage space can be nice