Yesterday I hanged out with a set of friends for a day. I literally never had friends or group of friends, or at least not the healthy kind. These people are the first people who make me feel loved and accepted.
In my childhood and adolescent years I've been bullied by my school mates, the friends I made bullied me, the teachers were batshit and oppressive. At home I wasn't given the unconditional love a child deserves and I was constantly deprived of the basic need of trust.
So hanging out with these people was something totally new to me. I was good the way I am, they loved me for what I am and for the first time in my life I felt like I had a chance to find happiness. And I think this inspired my dream tonight.
I frequently have dreams of having conflicts with my parents. I usually wake up feeling like shit after these dreams and end up crying for a while but tonight in my dream when I was in the same position it was nothing more than a minor inconvenience in my day. It felt pretty liberating.
This is funny because last week I had a dream in which I was with a group of friends who looked like my friends from the past but mentally they were my current friends and they started hating on me and casting me out once again. For a few days I was depressed thinking that my current friendships will end up the way they always ended up but after yesterdays get together I'm convinced that I'm about to leave my past behind and I'm finally given the chance to live a life that fulfills me.