Entry #4: 02/01/2023

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to cast aside the sparkles and aesthetic beauty that I typically bestow on my posts.

For whatever reason, I always seem to find myself in a hard place during February. My mom just got COVID, I had a bunch of work today, and it seems like I can't just get anything I need. I have a test and a quiz tomorrow, which isn't bad, obviously, just unfortunate. I'll be okay, it just seems like I've lost control of the things I need/want. I once again found myself in the cafeteria and as I was leaving, food was flung in my general direction. Now, this may have been a coincidence, but it's suspicious nonetheless. I'll keep a lookout for tomorrow since it'll be too cold (in my opinion) to sit outside.

Essentially, all of my birthday plans are kinda ruined since my mom has COVID. We were going to get sushi, but since she's unwell and my dad's supposed to be at a concert, I'm unsure of what we will do. I'll ask my dad tomorrow. This also means we can't go to the gymnastics meet like we regularly do. It's not like I can't do anything, I'll just have to improvise. Anyway, it's supposed to be really sunny on my birthday, which will be a huge relief since it's been cloudy all week.

But, considering how much I've talked about not being in control, I do have control over some things. I had control over what I played in the car this afternoon (which I enjoyed!). I have control over when I go to sleep, I have control over how hot I make my showers, and I have control over how I write and how I draw. It just happens to be easy to get into the mindset of "everyone's out to get me" and "I have no control over anything". These mindsets appear as warm, comfy sheets, yet are filled with bedbugs. But you don't notice the bedbugs because you're too focused on the sheets. Thankfully, like it did last year, this tough time will pass. I will make sure to get out of bed, even if it is my safe haven. :)

Ĝis morgaŭ,

Astragenesis

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