GOBLINS: what they are and how to deal with them



Goblins, Homo gobliensis, are a speculative, elusive species of human

that is spread across large swathes Europe, America, and some parts of Africa.

Goblins are, on average, 3 feet tall with some individuals growing up to 4 feet.

They are characterized by green, sand colored, or grey skin that helps them blend in to 

forested or mountainous environments, where they tend to live and hunt.

Goblins also have distinctly large, knife shaped ears that allow them to hear potential predators

from far away distances.

Other recognizable characteristics include sharp, canine like teeth, and big eyes with catlike pupils.

goblin photo

pictured is a Kentucky goblin curiously observing a camera, likely one held by its chosen prey

Goblins live in tribe-like groups that consist of several family units, adding up to an average of

around 30 individuals per tribe.

In these tribes, goblins nomadically move locations as they begin to hunt new prey, and are often not in one place for very long.

These tribes are speculated to have complex social systems similar to those found in great apes, though the added intelligence of goblins mixed with their unique predatory behaviors suggest an even more complicated social structure than those found in their ape relatives.

Goblins are often sighted wearing pieces of cloth fashioned into crude clothing and wielding primitive weapons like spears and knives forged from rocks or branches, suggesting a level of intellect similar to primitive humans.


possible goblin sightingpossible goblin troupe sighting in Kentucky woods 

Goblins are adapted to primarily hunt and feed on humans, and they do this using a complex process that can last anywhere from days to weeks for each selected prey item.

When goblins spot a human that they deem suitable for feeding on, often roaming through the woods on a hike or some other excursion, they will begin to quietly follow that person, for days at a time if necessary, back to where they live. They accomplish this without getting caught due to a combination of 3 unique abilities in their arsenal.

The first is the ability to move incredibly quietly due to special skin on their hands and feet, which naturally deafens almost every action they take. This allows them to stalk prey for hours at a time without fear of getting heard.

The second is their natural camouflage. Though we aren't sure exactly how it works due to the elusive nature of goblins, we speculate that goblins possess pigments in their skin similar to those of a chameleon, that allow them to naturally change their skin tone to match their surroundings, helping them blend in with ease.

The third is their high pitched communication. Goblins have special organs in their throats that allow them to modulate their voices to frequencies too high for humans to hear, allowing them to coordinate their hunts without fear of their prey hearing them (though dogs and cats can still hear them! pay attention to your pets!)

After following a person back to their home or basecamp, goblins will begin to slowly steal any items they deem useful or interesting, stashing them in a location usually not far from the victim's home. This can be anything from food, tools, or even seemingly useless items like trash.

When the goblins are satisfied with what they've gathered from their victim, they will wait for nightfall and begin their attack. They will wait until their prey is alone and vulnerable (usually during sleep) and kidnap them, taking them into the nearest patch of woods. They do this by having one goblin shove its hands down the victim's mouth to stop them from yelling while the rest work together to drag and carry the victim away.

No victim has ever been recovered after being taken into the woods, but their clothes are sometimes found miles from their homes, folded into neat piles at times.


goblin house

two goblins can be faintly seen in this victim's home, though keep in mind they are not usually careless enough to let themselves be seen.

If you believe you are being targeted by goblins, there a few signs you can watch for to confirm your suspicions.

One is to keep an eye on your belongings to ensure that nothing is going missing while you aren't looking.

Another is to listen to faint bumps or unusual sounds in your home at night, which can be heard at times when goblins get careless or feel the need to rush their theft

A third thing to do is to get a pet. Though they can't detect the goblins easily, cats and dogs can at times hear some of the goblin's speech. Pay attention when your pets look in seemingly empty directions or bark and seemingly nothing.

A final thing to do is to trust your instincts when you feel you are being watched. Goblins are always watching their prey after they choose it, so even if you can't see them, there's a chance you can feel them watching you.

The easiest thing to do to avoid goblin encounters is to avoid forested or isolated areas. Goblins have never been known to frequent highly trafficked areas.

Thanks for reading, good luck and goodbye : )

3 Kudos


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