The Proust Questionnaire. Get to really know me!

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Never having to worry about money, being incredibly, fondly in love with someone who loves you back, staying home, doing absolutely nothing but laying around, the perfect bed, living in a quaint house with the one you love, no kids, in good health, realizing your many purposes in life and passions being explored.

What is your greatest fear?
Dying alone, living life alone, being in a room full of the people I love and still somehow feeling lonely. Losing my mother. Living in poverty for the rest of my life. Feeling existentially wasted. Regressing deeply in my mental health. Never feeling like I have someone to lean on.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Unmotivated! Fickle! Awkward! Bashful! Resentful!

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Cruelty. Elitism. Defeatism. Squares. Uptight. Bigoted. Passionless. Unsentimental.

Which living person do you most admire?
Courtney Love and my mother.

What is your greatest extravagance?
IDK what this means...

What is your current state of mind?
Languid, intrigued, peaceful, tired.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Overrated sounds weird... I guess in modern terms, the virtues of "hustle culture," grinding, constantly setting the standards of high excellence and perfection with no mercy for mistakes is by far the worst culture you could be involved with. Plus, it's beyond unrealistic and you just entangle yourself in a chronic cycle of disappointment and burnout everyday. It's really the worst you could do for yourself.

On what occasion do you lie?
I used to lie all the time when I was in school, but to be real, I don't often find myself in situations (even when I was younger) where the only convenient and safe option for myself (and others) was to lie. However, in dangerous situations where my safety was at risk, I would lie to save myself. Lying became easier as I got older but now I really have no reason to lie about anything, cuz I'm not tryna fuck around and be fucked with!

What do you most dislike about your appearance?
My body, my hair, specifically on bad hair days, my mouth, my skin.

Which living person do you most despise?
Every billionaire, every GOP, every conservative, right-wing libertarians, nazis, a handful of obnoxious, embarrassing, stupid, or abusive celebrities. Right-wing or neoliberal politicians that don't give a shit about minorities or the working class.

What is the quality you most like in a man?
Uhhhhh... kind, inspired, hilarious, empathetic, truly feminist in a non-performative way, intelligent, opinionated, loudmouth, proletarian, clumsy, open-minded, ambitious.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Everything I listed before about men, but also women who are tasteful, strong, wrathful, passionate and spiritual.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Any kind of curse word- especially "fuck." Or "oh my god," "werk," "damn," "that's cool."

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
I haven't met the love of my life yet!!!!! But if we're talking non-humans, then my cats and my dog, my unicorn plushie and... my... mom...?

When and where were you happiest?
Out of school, unemployed, just laying around the house doing whatever I wanted. Relaxing every day, all the time. It was absolutely heaven on Earth.

Which talent would you most like to have?
Guitar, a keen Beatles-esque ear for melodies and riffs, music production, character impressions, being able to socialize with anyone, math genius, polyglot.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
If it's body, then I would erase 60% of my body hair so shaving would be a thousand times easier. I'd change my body shape, too. I wanna be an inch taller.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Not killing myself, for sure. Also being able to finally connect with my mom after never having been able to see eye-to-eye with her my WHOLE life.

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
Ugh, why would I wanna be someone else??? I'd rather die and go back 3000 years to live in Shang dynasty-era China. When the Earth was beautiful.

Where would you most like to live?
So many places, are you kidding? Ireland, China, New Zealand, Canada, Vermont, Oregon, southern California, England- I could live anywhere as long as I'm with my mom and financially stable.

What is your most treasured possession?
Uni, (the unicorn plushie, remember) my medicines, all the old vintage and antique hand-me-downs from my mom, my grandmother and my great-grandparents.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Everything from the "greatest fears" question.

What is your favourite occupation?
Having money to live comfortably, stylishly, to be taken care of and to take care of others.

What is your most marked characteristic?
Deep voice, crooked glasses, somewhat tall, sense of style, intelligence and my stupidly endless reservoir of useless information on niche subjects thanks to my ADHD.

What do you most value in your friends?
Empathy, humor, gregariousness, having similar beliefs but able to enlighten me on interesting things I'm not familiar with, loyalty.

Who are your favourite writers?
Allen Ginsberg, William Burroughs, Anais Nin, Franz Kafka, Anne Carson, Patti Smith, Margaret Atwood, Albert Camus, Hans Christian Anderson, this is all I can come up with on the fly.

Who is your favourite hero of fiction?
The Unicorn/Lady Amalthea in "The Last Unicorn."

Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Honey Boo Boo Child, we are literally the same person. Kurt Cobain, but not exactly in an "I'm not like the other girls"-way, but Kurt Cobain as in we are the exact same FUCKING PERSON IN ALMOST EVERYWAY, including the shitty toxicity we exude. Except I'd go on to say I've matured and developed far greater than him and have outgrown much of my juvenile tendencies, and I'm most certainly smarter than him. (Except in perhaps song writing, because to be fair, he did revolutionize and make success out of alternative rock forever in a way that no one has exactly done before or after him. And no, I'm not including proto-rock or proto-punk legends that commercialized other subgenres, cuz that's a different conversation.)

Who are your heroes in real life?
Me. Fuck off, no one else could save me or ever saved me before besides MYSELF.

What are your favourite names?
For girls: Oksana, Annika, Polly, Katherine, Pamela, Maude, Xoco, Gigi. For boys: Michael, Marvin, Christian, (99% of boy names are awful.)

What is it that you most dislike?
The many, many, many stigmas, misconceptions, stereotypes and lies surrounding mental disorders of every kind. All types of bigotry. Celebrities who become rich & famous when, in my opinion, they REALLY don't deserve it; very overhyped celebrities. The apathy and fatalism expressed towards climate change and class oppression. The state of being generally super apathetic rather than impassioned and maddeningly inspired to create, revolutionize, study, and embody something meaningful.

What is your greatest regret?
Destroying my eyesight at a young age so I could get "real" glasses. Then again, everything happens for a reason, and I don't regret much. I'm not interested in fixating on what has been "irreversibly destroyed" when I could either move on or change it.

How would you like to die?
NOT ALONE, NOT POOR, NOT EXCRUTIATING, BUT HAPPY AND AT PEACE, KNOWING I DID EVERYTHING I COULD TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE, DO EVERYTHING I WANTED TO DO, FOSTER SOME KIND OF SPECIAL LOVE!

What is your motto?
Exterminate the rich and take back what belongs to the rest of us in this world. Also relaxing is cool, hanging out is nice. I don't know anything about anything so I don't have a motto to live by, especially not one I think everyone else should follow.