jan 11 2023

first diary of 2023.. took me long enough.

things have happened, but also not that much. i was in Portland, Maine for new years. was really cool. i got a ton of new vhs and comics and stuff. its nice to meet new people and see new things. i need more of that these days. but i also think missing specific people is the worst thing you can feel. it sucks because its so intense.

hopefully by April i'll know my college decision for sure. crossing my fingers. maybe it won't be so bad.

i got a cd walkman a few days ago, it was my dads from the 90s. i've been burning cds with different mixes and its so awesome. headphones kinda hurt my ears but its a lot more bass-y and you can hear everything so vividly. its violent.. and beautiful.. makes me fall in love with music again and again. my Smashing Pumpkins mix just stopped burning. i also made a post-hardcore one, a My Chem one and a FOB one and a general emo/rock one. i would make more but i ran out of blank cds. i was really worried they wouldn't work and i wasted 2 cds trying it out with the wrong files but trial and error i guess! i really love this. i love music.

also, FOB8 is coming soon and i'm actually excited. i had little to no expectations but what they released sounds so great.. idk why it reminded me of IOH a little bit?? also new pmore for my birthday :))

speaking of music, i got my first guitar!! its bright red. unofficially 'red pill' or redpill. because it was either this other blue one or this one. and i'm so glad i chose it. its kinda perfect. the guy barely used it, he just sold it to me because he got a new one and he didn't need it anymore. i've been playing it a little each day. i like tabs because they actually sound like something.. chords are a bit rougher for me because even though they make a noise, i can't seem to put them all together to make it sound like the song i'm trying to practice.. if that makes sense. i'm gonna try to get as much skill as i can until i go to college...

idk if i can say much else.. life is a little boring i guess. i miss my friends. but i think it will all be alright.

ryan & his cds

btw. i woke up at like 8 am today.. that is a feat in itself. it is currently 5ish and i would usually wake up at 2ish.. it is cool having the whole day! okay thats all.