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giving up on uni altogether i think

I am tired of education to sum up how I feel. I was going to switch over to fashion but I actually got rejected today so I think that confirms that I don't want to continue with degree level study. I started my first year at uni last September, I was doing a course I thought I'd enjoy but ended up hating it. It brings some reassurance to know that others on the course also hated it and a handful of them dropped out too, despite this, I can't help but feel terrible. I have wasted a whole year, over £9000 and have nothing to show for it other than worsened mental health and debt I'll never be able to pay off.

I think ultimately I have never truly liked education as a whole. Although I excelled (and was even considered 'gifted' at a young age), my experience of school was not a positive one. I never really had any time or energy to develop any real hobbies and interests due to looking after siblings, trying to keep my family together and devoting the rest of my time to school. Even when I went into A-Levels and I could choose the one subject I wanted to study I still didn't really enjoy it. I picked art as I had always been notable for that but it just sucked the soul out of it. I wasn't making anything I actually wanted to make or learning the things I actually wanted to know. I did end up passing with the highest grades possible and went onto university. University just ended up being the same as A-Level but just more pressurized and expensive. I guess I just stayed in education because I don't know what else to do, I didn't have anything else to do.

Although my uni course was a terrible waste I did gain some personal things that I wouldn't of been able to realize if I hadn't moved away. I moved in with my partner recently and it has been a positive experience so far plus I've had a long break from university too. It gave me the time to think about my future and feelings which is what has lead to my decision.

I wanted to join the fashion degree because I love designing and making clothes, I filled my portfolio with all the things I aspired to create but alas, they did not think it was good enough. But I guess if they don't like my portfolio then I'm not going to like the course.

I want to create all the things I actually want to make, not what an academic institution wants, that's not going to make me happy. Even if I did go on the course I would probably end up making boring ass stuff to fulfil somebody else's aspirations instead of my own.

Right now I feel that doing my own thing is the best thing I can do for my mental and physical health. The past year has sucked the soul out of me. I may consider enrolling again in the future but right now I just can't and don't want to do it.

The plan now is to hopefully get a job so I can fund the things I want to create. From this I wish to set up some kind of small business on the side so I can make money off things I want to make and commissions etc. I know it's not going to be easy, nothing in my life ever has been smooth-running but I am determined, I already feel more confident writing this. The things I'd like to make and sell are stuff like clothes, accessories, paintings, art commissions, furry stuff (fursuits, paws, ears, tails, masks etc), animegao kigurumi, prints, stickers etc. I have loads of ideas which I really hope will come into fruition.



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