A Venti Vent

    Don't get me wrong, I love Starbucks - and last year I probably went on the daily - But this summer, I've quite possibly had the most stupidly annoying (or annoyingly stupid) experience, and I feel the need to vent.... Whilst I sip my warm chai latte under a blanket of summer heat. Remind me why the concept of ice slipped my mind?

    A month or so ago I was flying out of state. I passed TSA around 4:45am or so (and not to mention was out of bed at 2am) and DESPERATELY needed a quad shot. I made it thru the seemingly never ending line, slurred my way through ordering, punch-drunk from the ungodly hour, and handed over the same Starbucks card I've been using for what feels like the longest time. It was their first magnetic card actually; the one with the warm alder colored coffee cup on the front, dated 2003 I believe. Well, I got my coffee, boarded the flight, and the night after I landed, realized something - the dude at the airport Starbucks never gave me my card back. The card that I've been reloading for the last I-don't-know-how-long. 9 out of 10 chances he just chucked it. Great.

    Now, the reason I've stuck with that old card for so long is that in my opinion, the new cards are ugly af. I mean most modern decor trends are, or bland at the very least, but I was content with my nearly two decades old coffee card. To my luck the same exact card still existed on eBay, which is exactly where another 10 bucks out of my paycheck would go. The new card arrived a week or so later (Wow (: -D  its sooo sHiNy ...) but I've been so f*ing busy with work, choir, music lessons, recording, etc. that I hadn't even gotten out of my own way and splurged on a much needed latte in what I think might've been two weeks. (how am I still alive??) The card just sat in my little coach wallet, jangling around with the hoard of change, unactivated, balanceless, and the flimsy plastic slipcase never even having been removed. Just yesterday I decided 'okay, that's it, I need a latte and I need my card to look like it isn't still for sale....' I drove over to the local Starbucks, walked up to the door and was quickly shooed away - They were holding a business meeting. On the one day I had actually decided to check that off my to-do list, they held a business meeting. Do you see the pattern of my luck?

    What I've failed to mention so far is that their little corner of the dot-com world SUCKS. For a year now it has not rendered properly on any device I've tried. Ten different browsers and it just can't make it past the little loading coffee cup. Did the creator of zombo.com help code their new web page??

    And its not like I've had a much better experience with their iPhone app. The three survivors of the cell carrier apocalypse were all so courteous as to shut down their 3G towers, leaving those of us content with their Motorola Razr and iPhone 4S phones with nothing to do but give them more money in exchange for a 'VoLTE' cell phone we didn't even want. I however took the high road(?) and dropped $60 for an iPhone SE still on iOS 10 ... as nice as that is, it's still not iOS 6, and it's still half-an-inch bigger than I want it to be. And another thing about it is, even after jailbreaking it, it still needs a 'version identifier' in order to get an (omg) compatible version of an app ... unless of course the dev/Apple just flat out removed all versions other than the latest, in which a case, you're screwed -- as is the case with Starbucks' app. So, since their website's been playing the role of zombocom 2.0, I have no access to my account and can't activate my shiny new card via the vast expanse that is the internet either.

    Well, I was in town today and figured I'd give activating the card another shot, seeing as I had nothing else better to do with myself. This would've been half the walking distance had they not closed their downtown location about 8 or so months ago. The reason? It didn't have a drive thru. This was the most busy, bustling little hub in town, but corporate had made up their mind. No drive thru? You're out.

    Now the closest Starbucks in walking distance is on the opposite end of town, as part of a grocery store. It's kind of a one-stop-shop. You can get your coffee fix AND your dinner plans taken care of, while only having to park your car once. I however, came just to see everyone's favorite forest green siren. Walking in breathless, I felt like I'd ran a marathon, despite having only walked 15 minutes across town (albeit with a computer bag on my shoulder which, I swear to God, must weigh more than I do.) I dropped my bags on the counter, and let out a heavy sigh before directing my mind towards what drink would take the smallest toll on my voice, seeing as I'll be running over my solos with the choir director within the next hours. Warm chai seemed the easiest option, so that's what I ordered, handing over the coffee and bank cards respectively and asking to load $20 on to the brand-new-19-year-old card. The barista swipes it through her computer, which quickly rejects it  - the card hasn't been activated (well, yes. that's what I came here to do.) but inherently their computers are unable to do so because, alas, they are grocery store computers, not Starbucks computers.

    Well can they at least use my phone number so I get "stars" for my latte? Nope. It would have to be through the app or the card. BUT if I wanted to, I could of course, waste another hour of my life on the phone chasing after those few rewards points by means of the receipt... I think not. Two voids later, a slice of lemon bread had wound up on my transaction to compensate for the hassle. It was when I caved in to the lemon loaf that I gave up.

    I reluctantly took my latte and citrus pastry out into the sweltering heat, got out my trusty, no-so-little computer, which I've named Onyx (once they reach a certain age, they need a name. Onyx turned 20 this year, so she's certainly deserving of one) Then I sat down and wrote this. Maybe sometime in the near(?) future I'll have a Starbucks card that actually works, but in the meantime, it felt good to vent. My apologies to whomever thought reading this would be worthwhile.