A vent with no foreplay

It's like sex without foreplay; not that fun. 

But today, I couldn't care less. Why? Because there is nothing to give two shits about anymore.

My crush got with my friend- said friend being my ex hype-person who told me "shoot your shot! She totally likes you back". I was going to, but I guess I'll never be able to now. The thing is, I don't know whether I care or not. Like, I get I should be upset or something, right? But I'm not. I'm happy for them, really. No, really, I am.

I guess I'm just miffed ill never be able to say it to her. I don't quite care whether or not we would have gone anywhere anymore, but I wish I could have told her how much she meant. 

I don't rhink she likes me as a friend anymore either. I get kept out of a lot of secrets nowadays, and I don't know why. Did I mess up? I wish somebody would tell me.

You see a lot of people talking about how lonely you feel, and I always thought it was such a stupid thing to say until I started feeling lonely myself. Then I started feeling bad for them, too. 

Because I'd never realised how completely and utterly isolated I was until today- when I lost that small little piece of me. That piece that wanted something. And it doesn't hurt to have lost it- I just feel empty. Like there's no point in filling that ditch back up because it's not worth it if life couldn't be like it was before.

So now I'm just stuck with a question. If nobody wants me, and I don't want them all that much either- what's the point?