Love me grossly (sorry its horrific)

I want to be loved in a toxic smothering sort of way. An ugly raw kind of sick adoration that I should be scared of. That kind of creepy blind-sided attraction that's so horrifyingly addictive.

I hate that i feel this way, I know its unhealthy. I know it shouldn't be romanticized nor promoted, but that doesn't help. I want to be used. I want rough, short lived love. I want a sweet, tender and caring kind too, but that's just a dream. Somebody like me doesn't really deserve an authentic love- so I want it fake and I want it badly.

I want to hate their friends and I want to hate their voice. I want messy kisses with clanging teeth that neither of us really care for. Messages immediately responded to because neither of us have a real life and know that we're not ever going to truly love somebody. God, I want love but I don't think I'll get it any other way.

I want to cry my eyes out and get told I look hot when my makeup runs and I want praise for doing the vilest shit they asked for.

I want to be wanted

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