Making a Time Capsule

Hello! Sorry for being gone for a while. I was doing life stuff.

I'm thinking about making a time capsule, but I can't decide when to open it. 5 years? 10 years? 20 years?

In 5 years, it will be 2027. I feel like that is too soon.

In 20 years from now, it will be 2042. I feel like that is too "late", per-se...

But in 10 years from now, it will 2032.

These years seem "unnatural". The more I think about it, the more I think they're not supposed to exist. I feel like the only years that are supposed to exist are the ones from my childhood (not my teenage-hood), from the year I was born (2002), from the year I was a ten year old (2012). After the year 2012 I have always felt an impending "doom" with the social construct of time, that we were never supposed to go this far, or we were never supposed to have the concept of "years" before the year I was born. Logically, this sounds f*cking stupid as hell and like I'm on drugs. But in my messed up head, it just makes sense.

But, I've never realized that impending doom feeling to it's full potential until now, where I'm 20 years old. It just seems bizarre to me that we are in the year 2022 and going forward. I know that time is a social construct, but it's still real and it's still important to our world as a whole, yes, including years.

But, why am I scared to move forward? Isn't moving forward a good thing? Of course it is! I even recognize that myself. But why am I scared to make new memories instead of re-living nostalgia? Lately, I have been re-living my nostalgia even more than I did when I was a child. I bought a CRT tv with a VHS player built into it, I bought a Dreamcast, I bought new CD's, I bought a cam-corder from 2010, I still have my Wii and WiiU from 2006/2012, and I still play on them, Hell I even considered switching my iPhone to a flip phone! etc. But why am I so adamant on living in the past, even more than now? Why can't I just accept the fact that time moves forward and make new memories, and make new nostalgia?

I wish I knew... Because if I did, I would have never bought any of that stuff, sold my Wii/WiiU by now, and be content with the present and future. But I feel legitimately scared and sad to move away from the stuff that once made me extremely happy in a dark childhood. I'm not depressed, I have a good life and I'm taking all of my medication. So what the hell is going on?! What is wrong with me?! I am literally FREAKING tf out about time. My mother said she felt the same way, but has she truly? Has she felt so scared to move forward? So sad to leave everything behind in memories that will surely be forgotten as time goes on? I don't know if she had, but either way I'm just scared of time, and hell, I'm even scared to make this time capsule.

Like, I really want to make a Time Capsule. I remember going on the early days of YouTube as a young child and watching people bury time capsules, and ever since I had a strong desire to make one for myself. But time scares me, so would I even go through with it?

A pointless rant from Ryan.