There are a couple of things that stand out that makes me glad I ever left- one being the crazy way my entire view of the world was challenged and shaken up by seeing life from a new perspective. It was all very unique as well because I ended up in a country deemed less fortunate, yet I went to a school for that country's most privileged. I got to see what rich kids were like but in a country that was suffering from poverty. I will never change the perspective that gave me.
Two, College was the first time I ever felt like my feelings and experiences were valid. Though the kids I was in class with were about two years younger than me, it was my first time being around women above high school age who were just beginning to think about things like love and romance. At this point, I was 20 and I was the odd one out as my friends had already been with significant others since 15/16, a lot even younger- and I was the odd one out. Going to college in the Philippines made me realize that although I may not have developed very quickly in that aspect of my life, it wasn't the only aspect that mattered.
Third, of course, would be the friends I made along the way. We had so much in common, perhaps it was because I was always more Filipino than American inside, but we shared interests and humor, and I just felt so much joy. I experienced so much emotional growth- to the point that I think if COVID hadn't happened, I'd be much better mentally now. Maybe? I don't know.
Sometimes, though, I do wonder what would have happened if I had just worked some job, moved out, and used that time to chase my passions. It was hard because not only did I not have peers of similar interest, I had no family for guidance as well. I felt like college was essential because it was the only thing that would open doors to internships in the places I wanted to work. Honestly, I was right, because I did end up having an amazing opportunity for my internship.
But I think maybe I just enjoyed college too much. There was no urgency for me to pursue anything because I had my classes to prioritize. I wish college was more focused on actual career help than it was on mining borderline-children for money.
Right before college, I started collecting items like mics and instruments, and I was making covers and filming videos and I think the freedom and stability of a gap year gave me that room. I don't think I'll ever have the room to do anything like that again, and I feel regretful.
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