glasses r brocken + a dream i had last night

this morning, i must have sat on and broken my glasses while i was in my bed, because now one of the handles are really loose. i refuse to wear those glasses unless i absolutely have to now. im going to try to switch to contacts the next time we go to the optometrist. too bad i look too much like a guy :(

ive always wished i had brown eyes or at least darker eyes because they so much more warm and friendlier than blue eyes. also, i feel like i would look better with brown eyes. i should have gotten my moms hazel eyes. my blue eyes are really creepy. many years ago, i uploaded a picture of my eye on moviestarplanet and someone commented "creepy." i took it as a compliment :D but sadly i dont look good so i just look like a creepy uncle, not like wednesday addams or something. :(

i had a dream last night! i can barely remember it, so i can only tell you little tidbits about it. i was watching happy tree friends on netflix (it used to be on there!) and my dad came in my room. i quickly got out of it and changed it to detective pikachu because theres no telling whats going to happen next in HTF, right?? my dad pointed out that he remembered watching this movie while it was in the theaters. he didnt actually watch it in theaters, but we watched it together about a year or so ago. i thought it was the greatest move ever when i first watched it, but watching it again was kind of a drag... id still watch it with friends, though.

during the next part of my dream, my friend virginia came to my house for some reason. aliya wasnt here for some reason, so that was rather weird. we all got in my dads car and my dad started to drive it. i plugged in my earbuds and began to listen to my music. i glanced over at virginia and noticed she was content with looking through her friend instead of talking.
the ride was really short, much to my dismay. we were in a few towns over. we parked in front of a small walmart. it was about fourteen feet in height. i groaned because i wasnt looking forward to shopping.
my mind was completely changed as soon as we entered the building. it wasnt a store, it was more of an art gallery than anything. i was really excited. virginia looked like she couldnt care less. i wanted to take pictures of everything. i tried to take a picture of her in front of a painting, but she refused to pose for it. then, i saw this board where you throw little bean bags at at the entrance. it had a map of the entire place engraved on it.
i grabbed virginias arm. "virginia, look!" i exclaimed. she was elated to see it.
she ran over to it and picked up one of the bean bags and attempted to toss it in the circle. she missed. we kept playing bean bag toss for a bit. at one point, i threw a bean bag in it and missed, and suddenly, this weird purple-skinned baby popped up behind the board. it looked like a weird mix between the cocomelon baby and megamind. it bent down and picked up the bag on the ground.

"awww, look at the little crows!" virginia gasped. i turned my head over and saw this small exhibit of animals in the corner. my brother walked out with a satisfied look on his face. i walked in and saw all these animals in these aquariums, but the thing that striked me the most was this white wolf. it wasnt in a cage or on a leash. it was just there. i rushed over to it and pet it. i tried to scratch it behind its ears. it was really cute!!! it really liked me. :) when i walked out, though, it followed me and pounced on me. i "reset" the time and it was back in its place. i went back for round two and pet it again.

i seriously cant wait for this school year to be over. ive been slacking off and havent really been working. i hope this doesnt land me in summer school again like i did last year. im debating on whether or not i want to move in with my mom and transfer schools. i love my friends here, but im going to completely lose it if i keep staying in the current home im in and keep going to this school. fuck this school! i cannot believe i ever wanted to come here in the first place! i want to go back in time and slap my younger self. i saw a whisper text post on pinterest which read, "tbh it all fell apart after third grade," and thats so fucking true :sob:

im scared about attending a new school and being away from my brother. i know that my brother wont come with me because he hates our mom. i fear that being away from him will put a dent in our relationship. hell either begin to think that i betrayed him and our dad and wont talk to me anymore, or hell come with me.

im prone to making stupid mistakes. thats literally what my life is right now - the result of shitty mistakes. i will probably regret moving. i will miss my big room. i will not adjust to my new school. ill get bullied and getttreated even worse than how i am in my current school. ill regret my decision. ill want to come back "home." i really hope not.

ill need to get used to change. this is a change i really want. the dad and brother are bearable today, but just a few days ago i was whining about how bad i hated it at home. its just going to be a never-ending cycle if i dont leave. i also really want to be with my mom even after all the shitty things she did to me these past two years. ill put it past me.