darn

fml. i want to go home. i only have about two hours and forty-five minutes left. its 11:58 A.M. right now. im in fourth period. something happened during lunch between my friends me and me. i’ll give a quick summary.

i was waiting in life for food during lunch and was talking to my friend. my other friend, who happens to be my ex-bf, kept tapping my head so he could get my attention. it annoyed me and i told him to stop. my ex-bf is still very much into me, and he follows me wherever i go. hes always texting and calling me. i told him i dont like calling and he respects that, thank goodness, but one time he called me, like, eleven times in one day. my brother says hes obsessed with me. and he is. hes attached to the idea of what we could have been.

anyways, it was wet outside, so we sat by a booth near the window. i didnt want him to sit next to us. one of my “friends” tried to sit next to us, but my other friend wasnt having it. she said my ex-bf was sitting with us, and i told her i didnt care about him… that was so rude of me to say. theres a reason why everyone left. its because that girl lied about something extremely serious for attention. thats all she ever does- lie. all of my friends got up and i was just there with her and my ex-bf.

if it werent for my friends, i would have never gotten back with him in the first place. we dated when i was in seventh grade and he was in eighth grade, and again when we reunited last year, during the lowest point of my life. everyone said that he and i make such a good couple. they wouldnt stop pestering me to get with him. i told my friends i was aromantic, and they still did it. one time, my panromantic asexual friend told me she didnt actually think i was aromantic because of the way i acted around him. come on……..

it was my choice to get back with him, but he still took the bait even after i mentioned i was aromantic and explained it to him. the last time we were dating, i told him i wasnt uncomfortable with hugging, kissing, flirting, holding hands, or saying, “i love you.” it pretty much defeats the purpose of a romantic relationship, right? so, he came up with a code name to express affection. “way sun,” which apparently means “cat” in german. it was so cringe and so sad. this was over a month ago. about a week ago, he texted me on snapchat and said “way sun,” and asked if i remembered what that meant. he also said “i love you” in cherokee. hes getting in touch with his culture. thats cool.

when i look back at what i typed, i realize how SELFISH and SELF-CENTERED i sound. i always make everything about me, just like how my dad does. this is why i dont like talking much, because i dont have anything to talk about other than myself or my interests. im really sorry.

he needs to move on. there was never any love in the first place. he just keeps coming back to me, though. he used to say things such as, “i think we could make it work,” “i dont think youre too immature for a relationship,” “i dont want to look anyone because i already have you,” “i just want you to be happy,” “if you ever want to date someone, im here,” so he could entice a relationship before i asked him to stop. he doesnt do it anymore, so thats good.

when we date, its just like how relationships are in elementary or middle school. its only at school. ive never seen him outside of school.

bell is about to ring so i gotta end this. farewell!! !important; }